An open letter to the frienemies and haters who lurk in the shadows.
Go ahead, assume what you’re thinking. “You’re finally relevant in Lucy’s mind”? This is totally not the last time I ever mention you all? Uh-huh. Sure. Stay in the delusion.
Dear haters who follow me here anonymously and think I don’t know (*wink wink*),
To paraphrase Enid in the netflix series “Wednesday”:
I have tried… REALLY HARD… to be your friend.
Unfortunately, things don’t always go my way. Oh, well.
This whole… situationship we have (for lack of a better term) has made me realise that maybe I should be more “bitchy” to the people who approach me for friendship in the future. Like, did you confess something objectively bad? (such as “I’m sometimes racist”)? I’ll go straight to criticising and shaming: “wow, I did not expect to hear something so vile from you. I’m disappointed”. Because maybe these people — these lunar women and feminine non-binaries (always, always, always, ALWAYS! For some god forsaken reason, they’re ALWAYS extremely lunar! I’m starting to hate this moon archetype with a passion) hate themselves so much, and have a self-esteem so incredibly low, that they TAKE OFFENSE on the fact I give them grace.
Can you imagine that? You confess something you think is unforgivable, and the listener DOESN’T JUDGE and instead GIVES YOU GRACE, and instead of BEING FUCKING THANKFUL you take offense? Wow. It takes some serious self-hatred, doesn’t it? To think the only thing you ever deserve is contempt. To think that when someone gives you grace, they are LYING.
My mind is blown. I had forgotten there were those levels of low vibration still going strong in the world.
Maybe… If I start shaming and blaming on the spot when you confess weird stuff to me, you’ll be satisfied. Maybe I will correspond to your expectations and you’ll leave me alone for once. Right? Because when a person is arrogant, close-minded, and unwilling to actually LISTEN to the brand-new perspective I bring to the table, maybe they’ll be pleased to see me go by the script they expected me to read from the get-go like an actor in a play: “Character one enters the scene and confesses a shameful secret, expecting her shame and guilt to be confirmed. -Lucy complies and says ‘shame on you. Never talk to me again’. Expectations met, rejection successfully achieved, inner-critic-fuelled negative self-talk confirmed. Happily ever after, the end”.
After all, that’s what Billy (whom I recalled in this older article) also did (By the way, ladies, can you guess who he is? No? Awwwww. I thought you knew all about me. Don’t you? That’s a pity…). He told me a story where he committed bestiality. (Now you know. Does it feel bad to learn something directly from me like this, which isn’t coming from your always-right assumptions about me? Haha. “Interesting”). I had no reaction at the time and just acted as if it was none of my business. But NOW, many years later, I know what he was up to. He wanted, very desperately, for me to shame and guilt him. He wanted punishment. And when I didn’t give it to him, he wrongfully assumed I “don’t have the balls”. Oh, of course, because when your standards go THAT low, you can’t possibly imagine what it’s like to have character and integrity, can you? No, you think people just keep shaming and punishing each other all the time. It’s not even imaginable, not even conceivable, that there could ever be anyone who is above this dog-eat-dog dynamics; That there could ever be someone who looks at negative stuff and goes like, “hm. That sure was a horrible mistake, but we all make mistakes, people aren’t perfect, I won’t give an opinion” (my REAL stance). Oh, no, not at all. People need to display a facade of perfection, and strive to be perfect, and expect perfection out of others at all times (or punishing them very harshly for not complying), and live in this constant anxiety-fuelled nightmare of pursuing the unreachable under the constant threat of shame and guilt. Uh-huh. Sure. Let’s all say a resounding “amen” to that? What’s next? A priest giving first communion to go with the whole theme of unaddressed latent Christianity?
There’s a saying… What was it, again? Oh. Yes. “When people show you what they’re up to, believe them”. I think I have finally learned that lesson. I agree with this saying 100% now. I’ll just start yielding to certain demands from now on. Namely:
“Lucy, I think you will judge me for [insert story here]” — “Okay, I judge you for that now”.
“Lucy, I think you will eventually come to hate me and resent me very much” — “Why wait? I hate you and resent you very much right now already. Goodbye, piece of shit”.
“Lucy, I did [insert thing that is normally reprimanded by society]” — “I see. Shame on you.”
“Lucy, I had this vile self-talk here that is usually condemned socially” — “Well, my friend, I now condemn you too. Stop partaking in the unthinkable or never talk to me again”.
You see, I’m an oracle, and in my path, I had to vow never to lie. THIS IS WHY, for your information, haters, I used to object to the “standardised” reactions above you tried to force me to have just to fulfill your masochistic fantasies of getting rejected very harshly by me. (Do I have a dominatrix vibe in your fan fiction? Omg, do I look good in it? Lol)
In other words (for your dumb little heads to understand it easier), it’s not that I’m some kind of saint or martyr incapable of sin. On the contrary, I can be genuinely “venomous” even if you don’t ask for it like the funny little masochists that you are. That said, I am not going to “play the part” of a hateful bitch unless I am truly hating someone, because if I did so, I would be lying. And I can’t lie. I vowed not to.
However… Upon further consideration, I think I’ve just found a loophole in the rule. Don’t we all love loopholes? Here it is: although I can’t lie… I can still tell you the truth about YOUR FANTASY of me. Right?
When you ask me to hate you, even though I have no real reason to hate you, I, myself, “real life” Lucy, can’t hate you. But I can still use this same pronoun — “I”, accompanied by the rest of the sentence “-hate you” to refer to the surreal version of me that only exists inside your heads.
Isn’t that handy? Now everyone can be satisfied. Happy days!
Love (oh, sorry, “hate”),
Lucy.
