Dear Nikos,

This is an open letter to somebody, but it might resonate with more people.

So, I had this friend called Nikos. That’s his actual name as far as I’m aware, very common in the Greek community. I’m only saying this because if he accuses me of anything because of this article, he might as well get in line with everyone else who has the same name. I’m not an idiot, even though Nikos probably underestimates me to the point of assuming I am. Anyway, it’s a common name, and this person used to call me “my friend”. (His words, not even mine). That’s all you readers need to know. My experience with other Greeks has been quite positive — particularly in Greece! So it might be the diaspora I don’t mesh with… or it might be just Nikos. Time will tell. Funny enough, I don’t seem to get on with any diaspora, not even my own! The only exception is the Afro diaspora (but that’s a different case, huh? Taken by force through slavery. That’s probably why they’re less stuck-up than the other ones). Anyway, it’s early to tell how I feel about the Greek diaspora. Come on, this is one person only. I don’t draw conclusions THAT fast.

On to the open letter.

Dear Nikos, I’m writing this because I need closure. Yes, I know you offered to give me closure, but you didn’t mean it, so it doesn’t count.

Oh, you think you can lie to an oracle? Yeah, I didn’t think so either. So before you interject, let me finish.

You weren’t going to offer me closure. I know that for a fact, based on your past behaviour. You don’t listen to understand, you always listen to reply. 100% of the cases. I’m not even exaggerating, I took notes. So, I’ll repeat, you weren’t going to actually offer me closure. You can insist in the lie, feel free, but it’s a lie. One can’t have closure that is one-sided. And your problem, Nikos, is that the entire communication with you is one-sided. You have zero curiosity about others, what you call asking questions is actually a twisted way of playing on an assumption already made about the person (be it me or literally anyone else- take your pick) and an expectation of receiving exactly the answer you wanted, one way or another. I would call this manipulation but, oh wait, you already decided what the only definition of manipulation you’re willing to consider is — “putting a gun to someone’s head”. My bad. With you, somehow semantics trumps intentionality. Or am I assuming too much here? I could be. I’m not a dishonest person, so it’s hard for me to relate to the dishonest. My bad if I got it wrong.

Anyway, my point is that you manoeuvre people to say exactly what you want them to say, since you’re not even open for people’s candor and would prefer that they “read the script” you already have for them like actors in a play. Is that a good wording, Nikos? Or is my semantics not to your liking again? Or, even, perhaps I used too many metaphors and you’d rather I only talk literally? My bad if so, I thought you could handle it, Nikos. You told me you like philosophy. Also, you never told me you were autistic and can only handle literality, so why would I be rude and simply assume? Sorry if you’re neurotypical and even then you’d rather I dumb things down. I understand.

I hope this helps clarify why I declined your invitation to talk one last time. It’s nothing personal, dear, I’m just a very busy woman. I have my 2 jobs to do, plus my meditations and oracle training, plus music and my share of housework. I’ve long decided to use whatever time I have left for sleeping, holidays, the blog here — a paragraph at a time — and finally, for get togethers, BUT (and this is an important “but”) only the honest people in my life get that opportunity. I don’t care how “nicely” the dishonest are asking for coffee with me or a casual chat. It’s a precious time slot. I don’t see why I should waste it on somebody who is so afraid of addressing anything ever, that he resorts to nitpicking on my word choice and going on tangents from there.

Would YOU insist on someone who disrespects you and behaves condescending? You wouldn’t, Nikos. Nobody would. This brings us to the next elephant in the room:

You claim to never give up on people, no matter what. Aww. What a wholesome thing to say! However, allow me to remind you, Nikos: one can’t say that AND also say you “don’t even talk to people who aren’t interesting”. I hope you don’t make me screenshot the email where you said that, lest you conveniently forget.

It’s a contradiction, isn’t it? You allegedly never give up on people because you love all beings, but at the same time, only a very select group gets the honour of talking to you. And I’m assuming you won’t reply even if they reach out. That means… You already gave up on them before the start. Or am I wrong? Am I saying anything untrue here? No. I’m not.

Before you assume I’m telling you to have no boundaries (since you’re quick on the assumptions), I should add that healthy boundaries are everyone’s human right. What did I say a minute ago? “Would YOU insist on someone who disrespects you and behaves condescending? You wouldn’t, Nikos. Nobody would.”

…But when you humble-brag about never giving up on anyone — implying that those who do are morally inferior to you — what ARE you saying between the lines? Huh? What is it, Nikos? Perhaps you’re hinting at the fact you want to encourage others (through your “noble” role-modelling) to have no boundaries. People with no boundaries are easily manipulable, aren’t they? People with no boundaries wouldn’t dare “trying to debunk” you.

And yet, healthy boundaries are a human right.

Interesting!

Everything with you is like that. You say something, but it doesn’t match the other things you say with the same emphasis. And it hides something entirely different under the surface. And it usually has to do with concluding that it’s either your way or the highway.

And you speak of “dialogue”. Hilarious. That’s teenage comic novel material right there! I’ll eventually write one. With the amount of inspo in my life, it can’t be hard.

You compared me to “debunkers” right at the start of our friendship. See, I’m not even talking about what you do or where you are, firstly because I’m more interested in getting closure than spilling any “tea”, secondly because I don’t even need to. Nikos, take a guess. How many professionals who could do with improving their service do I encounter on a daily basis?

A lot.

If THAT phased me, I’d be writing open letters like this one daily.

“Karen” behaviour tends to come from the ego. My ego has long learned not to follow that route. I could, but I don’t wanna. That’s why I don’t leave bad reviews on things and services. I’ll simply (not) recommend them. My ego is okay with the fact not everybody has reached the high-ish frequency I’m on. It’s all good.

Instead, I’m addressing your failures as a human being. Areas where you could learn to do better without initiations and Academic rites of passage. In fact, there are illiterate people in the world with a much narrower vocabulary than you — a feast for your nitpicking habit, I’m sure — who could teach you a thing or two about respecting others and never patronising or treating others with condescension.

Sugar-coated, embellished condescension full of niceties and smooth-talk is still condescension. FYI.

You didn’t ask for advice, so feel free to disregard this, but for any lurkers who might relate to Nikos: please touch grass. Or in literal words (since I don’t know who is reading or how well they handle figurative language), try learning from experience instead of just from books. Bonus points if you travel. And by “travel”, I mean something as expensive as going abroad or as cheap (and often for free!) as taking a walk around the nearest town and talking to people you don’t usually approach. Within reason. Maybe don’t annoy a police officer or something. But you know what I mean (hopefully). If you’re shy, asking yourself “what is this situation I just lived / witnessed teaching me” whether it’s good or bad, EVEN IF the person involved is hierarchically inferior to you. Everybody brings something new to the table. Elitism is silly.

When you “touch grass” more often, you’ll learn — with no demerit to “book smarts” — that there are lessons we simply can’t learn with a teacher. They must be grasped in unexpected places. ESPECIALLY in the places where we assume, out of smugness and self-righteousness, that we “already knew” what they would stand for.

Smugness and self-righteousness actually hide a fear of the unknown.

I wrote this letter to you, Nikos, with no expectation at all. I, however, humbly suggest you should take notes from that very action. If you reach out, that’s ok. If you don’t, that’s ok too. If you twist my words as usual to make you look morally superior and I inferior, guess what, that’s ok. Anything is ok, for a very simple reason: unlike you, I don’t have a pre-written script that my reader/listener should stick to “or else” I cause them to accidentally stick to it anyway. No… instead, I give people freedom to be candid. After all, I can’t expect others to offer me something I’m not offering them.

Oh, and as for being “like a debunker”… you said that a long time ago, before you knew about my spiritual path, because you looked like the only spiritualist in the room. Remember? Maybe you wouldn’t say that to me today (although I’m not sure what I would rather receive. Your fear that I might be a debunker or your envy because I do something you consider prestigious. Tough choice, “innit”?). I haven’t forgotten it though. I kept thinking about it, every once in a while. What if I really was a debunker? Would you hide from me? Is that the real reason you vet so carefully who gets to talk to you about spiritual topics? One has to wonder.

Nikos, for your information, if someone sets about debunking my oracle, I’ll just shrug. Or… IDK, some similar kind of dismissive response. I’m not even sure. That’s how little I worry about it. Why should everyone approve of what I do? That’s unrealistic. Even my “prestigious” sisters in Antiquity (LOL. Sorry, that’s so funny to me. “Prestigious oracle”. Why? Because of propaganda? Are people that dumb?); anyway, even my colleagues from bygone days faced debunkers. Mind you, debunkers whose writing survives to this day. Its not just me.

I’m not faking it. We don’t need to defend the things we’re not faking. We simply do them; with love; with care; with purpose. No defensiveness or constant fear.

I might fear judgement from the near and dear, but that’s different. We all need a safe haven somewhere. As it happens, I’m safe in mine. It’s ok to care about what your loved ones think, and/or to update this list of near-and-dear if they give you too much of a hard time. But outsiders? Honey… close the tab. All gone.

I’m not perfect, I’m working through my own issues until the day I die, much like everyone else. However, I’m willing to. And I mistakenly thought you were on the same vibe. I thought you came into my life, regardless of your imperfections, to teach me something interesting. I was wrong. You came into my life to show me what is the only kind of opposition I might face in this spiritual path — the envious and insecure. Now I see the lesson. And I thank you nonetheless.

Best wishes,

Lucy.