Do you have low tolerance to frustration?
What if you can never have what you yearn for?
I wrote this as a self-reflection. I’m sharing it in case it resonates.
When something isn’t meant to be, it simply cannot be.
How much do you agree with the saying above? Strongly? Somewhat? Not at all? Note how it does not go into the whys and the hows. It’s simply stating an idea which may or may not be true, but we don’t know the details.
I feel the moral pull towards agreeing with it. I’m not sure to what degree, but it’s an agreement nonetheless. If I didn’t agree, wouldn’t I be excusing my own excesses and the excesses of others?
See how this goes beyond platitudes like, “believe in yourself” or “be confident”. Sure we love hearing them, but we forget to apply them across the board. Would you be in favour of telling a greedy billionaire to believe in himself and keep ignoring the less fortunate? I doubt it. This is an extreme example, and the harm we cause others less fortunate than us (if any) with our self-centered “wanting and longing” would definitely be a lot smaller — but it would exist anyway. That’s why I said I believe some things aren’t meant to be. The resolution came from a moral commitment.
Gratitude is often a challenge when it relates to the good things we DIDN’T ask or work for.
Perhaps some would disagree. From my perspective, this rings true.
I’m sure everyone has examples of good things that happened to them or came into their lives and weren’t “earned” or “manifested” at all. These are often the object of envy by others who work super hard to have the same, but never quite get there. (They don’t know it, but I empathise. I wouldn’t know what to say to reassure them. “I’m sorry you want what I have and didn’t work for. I don’t know how to trade places with you and I would if I could”?).
Someone who is super lucky in love, to the point they’ve never had trauma from a romantic relationship — no matter how small or subtle —and always felt relaxed and at ease with these partners… Probably takes it for granted. On the other hand, maybe this person’s life outside of love is like a series of utterly disastrous friendships, or unfulfilling jobs that don’t value their skills, or [insert recurring problem here]. And when somebody else looks at this person’s love live, they envy it; Without knowing that the very person they’re envying, envies in turn the greater luck they have with friendships or career prospects.
The point is: can you really blame the envious, when they come from this background of trying EVERYTHING in their power and still not getting what they want? / Still only getting what they didn’t ask for or wouldn’t have fought hard for if given a choice?
You see, this is what makes me side-eye some people’s enthusiasm for the law of attraction thing. Are we really in control of what we attract into our lives? Or do we just react, and react, and react some more? (For the pedantic out there: respond, respond, and respond some more. I use these interchangeably)
Life has always had ups and downs for me, but it’s also always felt as though I don’t have a say over these ups and downs. More than simply responding to life, I feel like a spectator watching a movie of my life. I don’t have the steering wheel. All I can do is eat popcorn and make faces at the scenes I see before me. Nobody allowed me to grab the camera and record this movie, or grab the mouse and keyboard and edit it myself. No. I just watch. As if it wasn’t MY life.
This is not to say I don’t like my life; Quite on the contrary! I’m happy in a lot of aspects. But I got lucky with these aspects. It doesn’t feel like my efforts paid off… Pretty much anywhere. Whenever I make an effort, I fall head-down on the cold hard floor. It’s disheartening. Is life telling me to stop trying? To just be a vegetable, and receive everything passively?
Maybe the individual objectives I’ve been working for aren’t all that important; The truly important thing is what they all have in common: “achievement”. What I crave the most is a sense of achievement, lol. I want to ACHIEVE something. I don’t want all of my victories to play out like a damsel in distress who got lucky and found a knight in shining armour to get it FOR her.
You see… This is what makes me feel a dilemma around the whole concept of “what is or isn’t meant to be”. On the one hand, I feel a moral duty to agree with it. On the other… Does that imply having agency, having the steering wheel of your life… Is BAD?
The answer could be somewhere in the middle. Probably. I haven’t found it yet.
