Jan 9, 2022
How to make someone go from “obsessed about you” to “indifferent” in 3 easy steps
Aye, this article is tongue-in-cheek — but give it a read, it might surprise you.
I enjoy embedding personal stories in my tutorials. This one is inspired by my relationship with an entire country: Ireland.
I first had the idea of writing it a few weeks ago, because of a memorable interaction with a hairdresser. He’s a cheerful and friendly person, and most importantly, very good at his job, which is why I keep coming back. He has a very Irish quirk however, which tends to make me laugh (not because it’s truly funny, but because I usually hide annoyance with laughter): whenever you mention you’re supportive of Irish culture, he goes into full self-pity mode and won’t stop talking about how he “wishes he had done the same and valued his own cultural background more” until he’s sucked all the excitement out of you.
So during this recent interaction, the topic was harps. I casually mentioned I’m learning the harp, to which he reacted with a long monologue about his own frustrations with culture, which naturally went far beyond just music. I laughed like usual, while summoning a huge amount of self-control to avoid rolling my eyes or acting like a bitch. I felt like replying “oh don’t worry, I’m going classical. Who would even care about Celtic music anyway?”, but didn’t, since I think that would work like reverse psychology and enrage him instead. There was no need for rage on either side. I live here now, so I just gotta endure this kind of annoyance.
Would I blog about one person, though? Nah, I wouldn’t bother. The anecdote above was just the most recent example I can think of, but the phenomenon I’m going to discuss happens quite a lot. Sure, “not every Irish”. In case you wanted to comment that, no need boo, I got you. It’s just a thing that happens a bit too often, although there more certainly are exceptions (or I’d have moved out of this country already).
Anyway — I don’t want this to turn into a “woe is me” kind of article where I beg for pity. There’s no need for that. I’d rather make this fun, and turn it into a tutorial on how to achieve the same the Irish have achieved with me. Someone, somewhere, might need it. And if not, I just hope it’s entertaining.
1. Put the person under the spotlight and constantly remind them of how surprised you are that they exist at all.
This can be done even if you’re super famous and already have fans/followers all over the world. Keep in mind that it doesn’t need to be true that this one fan who happens to obsess over you is your only fan. You just have to make them feel as though no other fans of yours exist, and this one person deserves all the attention, to an overwhelming extent.
I know, it sounds counterintuitive at first. Why acknowledge someone who is very invested in you? It could be nothing, OR the person could turn out to be a stalker and you’d be fueling that… right? Well, no, you’re mistaken. You see, I’m not talking about just replying to fan mail or anything reasonable like that. I’m talking about going way beyond that. Go absolutely bonkers. Do things like inviting the person to a talk show and treating them like a rare freak for liking you at all. Making them feel so odd, so amusing, so freaky, that they become a circus attraction for the masses. Like “look, this is a person and he/she/they like [insert your art here]. How absolutely astounding!”
And when you’re done, repeat ad nauseam. Pay this fan to attend such events — even better if the person actually needs money. They’ll feel compelled to go, even though it makes them uncomfortable. Trust me.
I know it works, because this is exactly what the Irish did to me. You see, the Irish diaspora is one of the largest in the world. It’s in places as far away as Ushuaia, FYI. Sometimes, even if a foreigner doesn’t have the blood, chances are they came across Irish culture through contact with the diaspora. So it isn’t exactly “a truth” that foreigners from “exotic” places who enjoy Irish culture are rare. It’s an entire theatrical defense mechanism borne out of envy and resentment, because a lot of Irish people took their own culture for granted growing up. Now when they see a foreigner actually valuing it, they can’t bear to face the shame that comes with this realisation. I find this a bit over-the-top, to be quite honest. If I were them, I’d just shrug, acknowledge the moral lesson, and go on with life without patronising anyone, and without even EXTERNALISING the feeling, but sure, what do I know anyway?
The Irish (from Ireland. The diaspora isn’t like that) have become experts in shifting all the burden of their emotional turmoil to innocent foreigners. I’m not even the only victim, although I won’t speak for others here. But there’s a lesson for famous people in it — a defense mechanism so sophisticated that it might as well work against actual obsessive fans. It won’t even make you (whether a celebrity or not) lose face, because surely if you just take a glance at the circus, you’ll see someone being nice to that fan. Right? Riiiiiiight?
2. Whenever your superfan shows enthusiasm, follow up with a sob story about your own frustrations and shift all the focus to your misery.
This isn’t a strategy to be adopted on its own, it’s important to combine it with #1 and #3 because there are obsessive fans who in fact enjoy sob stories from their idol and find them “aesthetic” or whatever.
Your goal here is to try and make the person feel like they have responsibility over your feelings, and that their very existence makes you more miserable than you already are because it reinforces your misery (and it has to necessarily be because of envy — you envy their light and enthusiasm. You wish you had that. Inside you, there’s only darkness. Practice the sad face, it helps). So instead of just being perceived as a “sad idol uwu”, you’ll actually annoy them because nobody wants other people’s burdens placed on their shoulders. Not even the burden of someone they admire.
I’ve already told a story that exemplifies this, so let’s move on to #3.
3. Deliberately keep the person at arm’s length, while tricking everyone else into believing you’re actually best friends.
This almost crosses the line into gaslighting, since it ensures nobody will side with the superfan you’re trying to punish in case they complain or try to escape the situation. It’s quite effective!
When you do this, you’re destroying the last silver lining, the last shred of hope that might have lingered in your superfan’s heart. Let’s face it: some people who “obsess” over specific things can be quite stubborn. Even if you expose them like freaks in public AND unload all your dark feelings on them without forewarning, they’ll still hold on to the hope that “well, this situation sucks, but at least it means there is proximity. Right?” — That’s why you shouldn’t forget delivering this last blow to a superfan’s determination. Or else (gasp!) they’ll stay interested in you somewhat.
For example, talk remotely and/or meet with the person often, stay fully focused on the “fandom” topic as if there was nothing else worth noting in the person’s life (it’s a bit dehumanising, but sure look…), and give off very subtle — but frequent! — hints that there is a closer friendship on the horizon.
Naturally, the person will open up to you and show some vulnerability, ya know, like people normally do when they’re going from “acquaintances” to “friends who trust each other a bit more”. And when they do that… ghost them. Repeat the cycle as often as needed, until the person understands you’re using distance as a punishment for their attempts to go beyond the shallow with you. Keep doing it forever — keep it up for 20 years and beyond. Don’t lose touch with the person. Insist in still seeing them, but never EVER allow a normal friendship to unfold.
Everyone else should see what’s on the surface: you need space, poor you, and that person won’t let you breathe. Only your obsessive fan knows it’s a childish set-up because they didn’t take the hint when they should have, and decided to keep admiring you openly.
Meron, are you defending obsessive fans?!
In case you didn’t notice my sarcasm (it happens!), I’m making it crystal clear here that I am not at all being serious. Don’t worry. Nothing above was said in seriousness — I’m not even assuming it’s any easy to break free from the watchful eye of a stalker. It can be a very traumatising experience. Seriously now: never ever take this matter into your own hands. Look for help, get a restraining order, etc.
The real intent of this article is something I will leave up to your own interpretation, and you can choose to read it whichever way you like. I’ve been experimenting more with these open-ended tongue-in-cheek articles (and this is the first one I’m actually publishing), since I’m quite used to being misunderstood or completely ignored. Therefore, I conclude it’s futile to keep trying to make myself understood. I’ll try the opposite: whichever way you read between the lines here, you’re right. There’s no wrong interpretation. It’s completely on your hands. There will be no angry Meron dictating how you should or shouldn’t see me. Do you think my involvement in Irish culture is unhealthy? Okay, then it is. Do you think I’m not entitled to any compassion ever? Okay, then I’m not. Do you think I deserve what I got? Okay, then I did.
In fact, go further, why don’t you? Do you think I’m not a real person, and in fact I’m a horse with wings who poops rainbows? Okay, then I am. I am not resisting anyone’s interpretation of me, or my words. Do your own thing. I got you covered.
And don’t forget to stay hydrated.
