Martial magic 101 — part 2 (knowledge is power!)
It’s not just a cliché. It’s a truth. Your privacy is so valuable that nobody tells you this fact — to keep you vulnerable.
This article comes from the perspective of war and conflicts (more specifically, in the context of spirituality). If you’re new here, take a look at the previous articles in this series:
Please be mindful of the CONTEXT I’m referring to with this piece. I am not talking in general terms. It is a very, very specific context. OF COURSE in life, in general, it’s important to trust others and be kind. I’m not talking about that. I’m discussing the rare instances where no matter how hard you try, you cannot avoid a conflict. So, a conflict happened. There’s no way to avoid it. Now, what? Will you stay in autopilot? Or will you take charge of the battle strategy?
You’re welcome.
Know your circles.
For some reason, it’s common to believe that in order to protect your privacy, you must be conservative with the tools you’re using. This is very untrue. When you avoid technology and other novelties like the plague, all you’re doing is becoming outdated, and this can turn against you later on, like shooting your own feet. Trust me, you’ll have wished you kept up to date when you realise that you can only play a game you’re familiar with.
The classical example to that is certain specific people of the baby boomer generation who used to be so afraid of “wiretapping” back in the day, that they became sceptic of new technologies from, say, the 1980s onwards; ONLY NOW, these people are being sort of forced to acquire smartphones and/or tablets etc for authenticating a lot of essential services… And as a result of being so “new” and naive, so unfamiliar with these new devices, they end up becoming the overwhelming majority of victims of online scams. So much for having tried to avoid the same kind of danger in the first place… How ironic.
I’m by no means making fun of anyone. I’m saying it’s ironic matter-of-factly. The reason is simple: tools are never the villain. People are the villain. Don’t be afraid of innovations; be afraid of people. Innovations can’t use themselves. And besides, if you keep someone around who is enough of a foe, they’ll come after you. 100% guaranteed. Take away a modern weapon and they’ll use the more traditional ones, or improvise; they’ll get creative. Don’t be naive to think that if you make it difficult to hurt you, enemies won’t bother trying. Quite on the contrary, some ENJOY the challenge. Keep these PEOPLE away, not the TOOLS they could potentially use.
It works similar in witchcraft and other occultist practices.
Don’t worry about who has the fanciest credentials, tools, track record or lineage. I mean, okay, perhaps keep tabs on them because they’re likely working for money, but they wouldn’t bother coming after you spontaneously… Even if you asked, lol. You’re a nobody. Don’t forget to keep that good ol’ narcissism in check; you’re a nobody. You’re not important. Instead, worry about who actually *does* know you and has BEEF with you. It doesn’t matter if it’s a weirdo down the alley who can’t prepare a simple spell to save his life; he’ll pay someone who can. He’ll get creative, just like the scammers who target boomers. See where I’m getting at?
When I speak of privacy, I’m not coming from a “prey” mindset; I’m thinking like a “predator”. (For the sake of practicality, if anything). In other words, perhaps less cryptic: I’m not telling you to hide yourself in fear. I’m telling you to feel light as a feather and sleep like a baby at night. How? Simple: keep dangerous people out of your circle, so that you’ll be free to share as much information about you as you want to those who are harmless. It’ll feel like a flex, and in a way, it is.
Maybe you’re reading this post and thinking, “well, that’s obvious” and in fact what I’m telling you is no secret. However, there are things in life we know deep down, but don’t put in practice. This is one of those things. If I could earn a euro every time I met a self-proclaimed warrior who is unwittingly taking the prey approach to life (ie, hiding from everyone in fear, judging strangers as a default, instead of judging the people they ALREADY know and have tabs on), I’d be rich.
I’m by no means saying these people are bad warriors or fake warriors, or anything like that. No, a lot of them take it seriously and give it their best; I trust that. I’m not here to ridicule or bully anyone. I’m here to show people their blind spots. And these people, even if they don’t wanna admit it, have a big blind spot. Now, if they don’t wanna listen, that’s THEIR problem. I’m just putting the message out there.
But who is a friend and who is a foe? How can I tell?
Contrary to popular belief, strangers aren’t your enemies. Take that myth out of your head, it’s not helpful. The only people who can (reasonably) be afraid of strangers are the overly vulnerable and/or overly valuable (and that will depend on the social and cultural context; I’ll leave it up for your imagination). The problem is, most people DO NOT fit that description. No, not even in the most dangerous places on Earth. If you’re sober, grown up or accompanied by a trustworthy grown-up, and have at least a tiny bit of common sense, that’s it — you’re not overly vulnerable. Most people fit that description. Some people just don’t believe that, because they lack self-confidence.
On the other hand, there are those who know they aren’t vulnerable by default, but [wrongfully] believe they’re valuable because of their narcissism. And again, 9 times out of 10, they’re wrong. I don’t care how highly you think of yourself; nobody cares in fact. Nobody can read your mind or see the fantasies you dreamed up. People only see your reality. Strangers, above all other people, only see your reality — and in fact you can 100% trust them with that, as they’re unbiased. They’re seeing you for the first time.
“Well, but I am a woman in [insert mysoginistic place here]/ gay in [insert homophobic place here]/ black in [insert racist place here] (etc, etc, etc) — are you saying I’m not overly vulnerable?”
Aye. Fight me, I said what I said.
Look, I’m not denying privilege is a thing. We all know the world is unfair and needs to evolve in a lot of aspects. I won’t dispute that, but I won’t repeat the obvious like a parrot because I don’t like underestimating my readers’ intelligence. Instead, I’m here to offer you a hard to swallow pill:
Does EVERY WOMAN get unfairly treated in mysoginistic places? Does EVERY BLACK PERSON become a victim of racist crimes? And so on.
We both know the answer.
Again: I’m giving you reality. I’m not endorsing it. I’m not saying I agree with it. I’m not siding with anything. I’m just telling you what’s real. You want the world to become a better place? Awesome. Me too. But let’s look at reality first.
You see, even if the context involves a social injustice, victims are never random. A victim is, without exception, someone who didn’t know how to navigate their context. Aye, this context can be unfair; aye, this context can be changed for the better through revolution; aye, this context might not be ideal. Nonetheless, people need to navigate “what is”. Nobody ever navigates “what should be”.
And in this imperfect, work-in-progress world we live in, it’s paramount to know that you shouldn’t be afraid of EVERY stranger EVEN IF you’re in social disadvantage. That’s because, simply put, the social disadvantage is only a context; it’s only the background of the play, if you will. This “background” can be used by the main actors against each other, as a prop if you will — but it’s still just a prop. Pay attention to the actors instead.
Who already has beef with you? Who would be willing to USE your vulnerabilities (including social disadvantages you’re under) against you? That’s who you should keep your eyes on. Not “just anyone”. Strangers might have the power to do that, but power isn’t everything. They’re not willing. They don’t care enough about you. Keep that in mind. Unless you make it extremely easy for them to wrong you and get away with it, they’ll just walk past you. Strangers aren’t the ones who get stubborn and keep trying; enemies are.
Do safe places even exist?
Aye, they do. But always keep in mind: I’m a Buddhist. I’m not coming from a western point of view. I believe in impermanence. I’m not writing this article to make people feel afraid of everyone they know; I’m writing it in order to open their minds to this different mindset they didn’t grow up with. But you must be willing to listen first and foremost.
I know here in the industrial west we grow up expecting, and almost worshipping, permanence. “Stay young”, “stay happy”, “stay productive”, etc. People here are usually afraid of change, afraid of movement; and this reflects in the very way they make judgements about the world. “Does this thing exist? Ah, so it exists FOREVER”; “does this other thing not exist? Ah, so it will NEVER EVER exist”. Permanence, stubbornness, stagnation.
That’s not the mindset I’m coming from, myself. I won’t dissuade you from yours, but if you wanna understand my point, you need to give it a chance.
Only here in the west, do we ever hear people saying things like “flower arrangements are stupid, they don’t last”. Well, does anything last? Your planted flowers also wither away, only to grow back in a year’s time, but differently (impermanence…). Your artificial flowers gather dust and change colour, fray, become different over time (impermanence…). Was there a need for criticism? No. it’s just your good old narrow-mindedness.
Instead of desperately holding on to an illusion of permanence, why not accept and enjoy impermanence? We can’t fight this natural phenomenon, so let’s celebrate it. But that’s just how I see things. I’m not forcing anyone to agree.
Anyway, metaphor aside, there’s an undeniable fact behind it: nothing in life is fixed or permanent. Nothing at all. The same can be applied to things like family and friendship. Do they last forever? No. People die; but sometimes change comes even before death, because you could fight, grow apart, grow resentful, etc. Then again, you could reconcile, find each other at a later time, etc. New people come and go. All is changing. The more attached you are to the concept of permanence, the blinder you become to the signs that things are changing or at the very least need your attention.
And with that in mind:
Know who to fight, who to trust and who to simply let go. And above all else, know that all three are temporary.
You can’t have a fool-proof relationship with anyone, even a god, even a guardian spirit (and that’s why pacts are difficult to maintain, but that was another blog post). Sooner or later, a misunderstanding will happen, or compassion will temporarily go away making room for things like envy and spite, fear, anger, revenge, competition, etc. That’s also natural. Life can’t be all pleasant; but natural or not, it’s wise to know how to navigate that, protect yourself, and minimise damage.
A lot of the strategic mistakes we make have to do with attachment to permanence. We end up oversharing with a stranger because it feels like that urge will never go away (illusion of permanence…); We overshare with a real friend because it seems like the relationship could withstand anything (when in reality, maybe the person can only be your confidante for CERTAIN topics, not EVERYTHING; they aren’t prepared to deal with everything, or wouldn’t understand, or wouldn’t keep their envy at bay, etc; and none of that takes away from the fact it IS a good friend). Some other times, we don’t share enough — we’re afraid to share information with a partner because we don’t want their disapproval (although that’s foolish; They already disapprove of you on a daily basis, but that’s also true for how often they approve of you; and it all passes and changes, and they’ll even forget these feelings came and went by. But you’re attached to permanence, aren’t you? Same boat).
People who have a very serious addiction to this illusion of permanence might even feel angry at me when reading this far, because I didn’t exactly give them a step by step guide on how to tell a friend from a foe, and it will feel like this entire blog post was clickbait. Haha, that’s amusing. You see, when you accept and embrace impermanence in life, you also learn to embrace complexity. You start seeing that things aren’t black-or-white, because extremism comes from the idea of permanence. You can’t have extremes, or oversimplified answers, unless you believe in a “forever” or “never ever” somewhere. You need very fixed, very stubborn ideas, in order to even entertain the possibility of a black-or-white world.
And you know what, that’s fine. Sometimes, we do in fact need to think on our feet. That’s where these fixed ideas, this black-or-white thinking comes in handy. Taking risks is part of life; but don’t make that a lifelong pursuit, because life also has so many other “parts” worth exploring.
In short: don’t take people for granted. Don’t be thinking a friend is forever a friend, or an enemy is forever “after you”, because that enemy could very well move on and give up, and doesn’t owe you an explanation; That friend could grow apart from you, or backstab you because you refused to see the signs that things were changing over time.
“OMG, I shared a secret with someone who now dislikes me, what now?”
That’s normal and healthy. “Wait, what?” — yes, I said what I said.
We take risks every single day. If you never took any risks, you wouldn’t even leave your house. So, relax. Sure it’s unpleasant when we think of the people who used to be our friends and are now just walking around with our secrets and the power to share them without our consent… But the thing is: it’s not just you. Chances are you have tabs on them, too. And if you don’t, if you just let them know all about you without ever getting curious about them, maybe it’s time to look into why. Healthy friendships involve balanced conversations. It’s never all about one person, unless there’s some kind of personality disorder at play.
All in all, this comes down to the very first point I raised in this article: you should care more about WHO is in possession of your valuable stuff, instead of WHAT it is exactly. I know it’s counterintuitive, but trust me, that’s good strategy.
There are people I no longer talk to who know extremely compromising things about me, but do I worry they’ll use it against me? No, I don’t. Why? How can I know, as we’re no longer in contact? Simple: it didn’t end badly. They have no REASON to threaten me. They probably think of me as a distant memory that doesn’t need to be avenged.
You see, if you’re feeling stuck in a mindset of paranoia — worrying people will backstab you even without a reason, or new people shouldn’t know anything about you “just in case” — maybe it’s a good idea to look into your narcissism. Do you think you’re THAT important or valuable? Do you think the world spins around you? None of these beliefs, if present, will be CONSCIOUS. But they’re human and common.
And with that, I hope you have enough food for thought. We have a long journey ahead, so stay tuned for part 3.
