Martial magic 101 — part 6: gathering intel
Consider this a continuation on “how to detect an attack”, but from a more secular and psychological angle.
Maybe some people will find this silly, or think I’m being “immature” because I mentioned the concept of gathering intel on other people. Who do I think I am, a spy? That’s something a 5-year-old would aspire to be.
Well… The above isn’t wrong. Indeed, there is a certain degree of immaturity to war. It’s not a coincidence that in Classical mythology, the god of war also represents “the child” and very first sign in the zodiac (Ares = Aries). If we take a moment and think about it, declaring war on each other (take this metaphorically, please) is a very childish thing to do. It does not fit in with the normal conduct society expects of adults, whereby we idealise things like cool-headed decision-making, cooperation, and responsibility.
By and large, I think it’s safe to say we all take pride in appearing agreeable and rational all the time. Otherwise, we can get accused of being “barbaric” — or (gasp!) childish. Oh, the horror! Childish people don’t get any of the perks in the adult world. They only get the non-perks, the punishment, the ostracism. Who wants that? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
The problem is… Deep down, we are animals. All animals have instinct. All animals have an irrational side to them. So… What do we do with that? Any guesses?
That’s right. We hide it.
Let’s look into how we hide it, how to find what’s hidden, and most importantly, what to do with that. Love it or hate it, we do that all the time to each other whenever things go south in any kind of relationship — but we do so in autopilot. I’m here to teach you how to get OUT of this autopilot for your own sake. Maybe a lot of people won’t like to admit they need the information I’m offering, but here’s the thing: nobody is keeping tabs on who reads my blog. So, there’s no need to tell anybody you’re here. You can even access this article via an anonymous tab, on a VM, if you’re extra paranoid. Whatever rocks your boat. I’m only here to teach what I’ve already mastered, and that is the warrior path (albeit a bit superficially — but it should give you a head-start). I’m on a different path now, but haven’t forgotten and will never devalue the lessons I’ve learned in a distant past. If others wanna judge, so be it.
And while we’re at it, here are the previous articles in the Martial Magic series:
- Why do you fight?
- What do you protect?
- Where do you get your strength from?
- Who SHOULDN’T you fight with?
- When are you being attacked?
What do you fear? What do others fear?
A bit of a spoiler here: it’s not what you SAY you fear. That’s your ego making up narratives to protect itself from even acknowledging what it is you truly fear.
Silly example from yours truly: I usually tell people I’m afraid of spiders. I am one of the many, many people in the world with some level of arachnophobia. But in truth, I don’t FEAR spiders. I am SPOOKED BY spiders. There’s a difference. I know that, because whenever I see a spider, I get all squeamish… But it only lasts a few seconds. It’s only the “first impression”, if you will. I can work in a room where the spider is hanging out perfectly well — especially if it remains in sight. If this really was a fear, it’d last as long as the situation does. (This is not to say every person with arachnophobia will agree. Don’t assume that. Perhaps I just have a very mild level of it. But that’s a tangent at best, I’m only using it as an example to make a point).
My point is that feeling afraid is different from feeling frightened, and the difference matters.
Another classical case is that of people who claim they’re “afraid to make the first move” when dating. Hm, nope, 99% of the times that’s probably not the case. You’re not afraid; you’re spooked. It’s the first impression you get of the situation that doesn’t sit well with you; but I assure you that once you get past that, things flow AT LEAST somewhat better. So it’s not a real fear — or not in the sense I’m talking about. It doesn’t stop you from still going out and still having fun and still “running the risk” of ending up in a position where you’d use a pick-up line spontaneously. Especially after a few drinks. (If on the other hand you’re REALLY afraid of that hypothesis, I bet you’ll avoid the entire environment at all costs. THEN it could be considered a real fear, or actual phobia if you will).
So, asking “what do you fear” doesn’t truly help, does it? I’ll try my best to rephrase it in a more helpful way:
What is a situation you avoid at all costs because you couldn’t possibly bear the risk of [insert scary thing here] happening if you didn’t avoid it?
This is a very tough one to answer. Not only because it’s uncomfortable, but also because, for a lot of people (myself included)… it can be confusing. You see, introspection sometimes reaches blind spots. This is one of them.
Perhaps you’ll find that other people have an easier time learning about your fears, than you yourself do. This also goes the other way: maybe you noticed (sometimes “accidentally”) what a certain person is secretly afraid of, based on the things and situations this person goes out of their way to avoid dealing with.
You’re not smarter than the other person. You’re not superior. You’re not more experienced or whatever — because quite frankly, you can’t be. Each and every person has a unique experience in life. You can’t compare yours to theirs. And age is a number.
So… WHY IS IT you can see their fear, but they are themselves blind to it?
It’s because of a thing called neutrality. You’re not special, you’re just an outsider. Outsiders are neutral. You can’t relate to this person’s fear, so you’re not resistant to seeing this fear for what it is; Whereas THEY are directly experiencing the fear, so their mind will do all sorts of gymnastics to circumvent it.
So… Why am I talking about fear anyway?
Well, here is my reasoning for that: fear is at the root of anger. Fear leads people to either fight, run away, or freeze. Either way, it puts you in a defensive and reactive position. This can present itself literally (like a literal defense — think of a goalkeeper with his eyes stuck on the fooball, so he won’t miss it and can effectively defend the area)… or in a more sophisticated fashion (like when someone triggers our fear and we start deflecting or manipulating the person to signal to them that they should back off).
Above all else, however, fear is fuel for war. A good warrior acknowledges that, and does their best to minimise the damage; a naive one (in autopilot) keeps escalating things ad infinitum. I’m saying that, because I’m well past that phase when we delude ourselves thinking we can be “for peace” 100% of the time. Hm, nope, we can’t. We idealise that, but it’s not realistic. Every now and then, we fight. The question is: HOW do you fight? In a fit of desperation? Or knowing what you’re doing?
Ultimately, in war, every strategy is valid — even the ones you’d deem weird, stupid, funny, dishonest. That’s because cooperation is the antithesis of war. You can dislike the enemy’s approach, but you can never say “that’s unfair”. Maybe it is, but was fairness ever a thing? No. Fairness is for sports, not actual war (in before martial artists come flooding…). It’s only a thing in moments of peace. The longer you ignore that hard-to-swallow pill, the longer you’ll stay unproductive in martial contexts.
The objective of a good warrior is to bring about peace at the end of an inevitable conflict — as effectively and painlessly as possible. It’s not to pretend they can stop the conflict from happening at all costs because something-something-etiquette. Stop pretending martial energy is bad. It’s not. It exists for a reason. Complain with the gods if you feel like being a “karen” about it. I don’t make the rules.
Some people fear conflict (war) itself. This shows up in the way they fight — particularly, how long it drags on, seemingly without a plan or purpose.
It almost sounds like a paradox, doesn’t it? There’s logic though.
Ever seen someone totally explode before you whilst claiming they “tried so hard to make things work” between you? Yeah, that’s the kind of person I’m talking about. They’d like to think they’re so mature, so rational, so logical, so this and that… When in fact, that’s just the narrative their ego made up to hide the fact they fear conflict. Think about it: “adulting” and “taking the higher road” is the perfect disguise for trying to avoid the animalesque irrationality of war at all costs. We fear what we avoid at all costs.
Keep in mind the fact we don’t usually know what we fear; But others do. And we have the same power over others. I don’t care that it’s “dangerous”, I don’t make the rules. Don’t shoot the messenger. If you wanna live your life in fear of possibly interfering with others, you might as well live in isolation from society. Just saying (And that was rhetoric. Don’t do that).
“Oh so I should start throwing tantrums and punching in the face everyone I have a problem with?”, the conflict avoidant crowd will ask; To which my response is “no… But that’s all you can come up with? Ain’t that interesting?” — this kind of reaction, very common by the way, goes to show how unprepared these people are to deal with anything other than agreeableness. Not unable. Unprepared. Repeat with me: if you don’t practice, you don’t learn. It’s true in music and it’s true in all aspects of life.
Beginnings, however, are spooky. I get that.
Maybe some conflict avoidant people don’t like the idea of getting “owned” in their very first attempt at fighting and letting out all the stuff they’re keeping in. They think since they’re so unprepared, other people might at least be somewhat prepared… Right? And that makes for a very uneven ground. Yes, I hear you, it makes sense. However, (perhaps thankfully), things aren’t ACTUALLY like that.
I mean… Look at me. I’m a warrior, for real. That’s the only “credential” I actually have; the other training is far from complete. Do you see me USING what I know in conflicts with other people? Do you see me going beyond the basics 101 level of “letting it out and bringing back peace” when it comes to confronting those who have a problem with me or vice-versa? No. Objectively speaking, you don’t; Because I haven’t had the opportunity yet. People avoid that and I just sit there like “allright, goodbye… I just hope you externalise that somehow, pal”.
You see, most people are unprepared. That’s done to us on purpose, the rich and powerful don’t want us to KNOW how to effectively get our needs met; Not even from each other. We don’t know how to signal to each other that “hey, I don’t like this status quo you’re upholding over my head and I won’t be submitting to it; Change it or fight me”. We don’t. Where do we even go to learn that? School? Nope. Elder relatives? Nope. Community groups, clubs, initiatives? Nope. Everywhere you go in today’s society, you’re told to shut up, conform, be nice, stay in line.
I’m talking about human-on-human confrontation, by the way. Yes, we do know (a bit too well in fact) how to keep other species in line.
Not that “behaving” and “being a good role model” is without merit; I didn’t say that. It’s important in a lot of contexts… EXCEPT in a confrontation. But what do people do? They mistake things. They think “oh, this dude is challenging me; oh, this girl is challenging me. I should sit down, be good, be a good role model and shame him/her for even thinking of disagreeableness”. But can’t you see that sometimes it’s necessary to fight and let things out? We’re not domesticated dogs hoping to hear “good boy”. We’re a lot more like wolves in the wild. Stop rejecting that part of you!
The more you reject it, the more it grows. Jung talks about that. EVENTUALLY, it becomes so big you can’t contain it. That’s why conflict avoidant people are ironically the ones who drag it on for way longer than it’s needed.
“But you don’t understand it, Lucy” — some will say — “my parents were super explosive and traumatised me”. Okay. And you’re trying to be like them because…? I mean: if your parents were born in or after the 1940s (unless they were punks, I suppose…), guess what, there’s a huge likelihood they’re conflict-avoidant. And that’s WHY they would lash out like 5-year-old brats without knowing when to stop, or getting anywhere, or solving anything. That sort of thing screams despair, not actual warrior behaviour.
You don’t see warriors you can respect because we are a rare bunch. Everywhere you go, people keep telling us not to exist. It’s not just you. I’m not looking for pity, keep it to yourself. I’m warning you. Wanna follow the warrior path? Do. But beware the gaslighting the whole entire world will try to do to you.
In order to assess people’s true intentions, we need to be aware of our own fears and other mechanisms for avoidance first. There’s no recipe for that, it will depend on the case — but always keep it in mind.
