Aug 29, 2022
No, Capitalism isn’t the modern religion. It’s Egotism.
The longer we turn a blind eye to it, the more miserable we’ll feel.
Don’t shoot me, I’m just the messenger. The message will keep existing whether or not I do.
I’m not here to defend Capitalism. It has flaws, like everything else in life. I’m just saying I think it’s a symptom of another problem, rather than the cause. It’s a chicken vs egg situation, if you will.
I’m no historian or anthropologist, so I won’t pretend to know when this phenomenon started. I’m simply noting what I see around me, like I usually do. Having grown up with Picts, I can’t help but notice trends in how people relate to one another in today’s world, which aren’t exactly “human nature” because they haven’t existed since the beginning; they started existing at some point between Antiquity and now, for whatever reason (and I’ll leave that open for your own speculation). We’re just used to this status quo as a society, and thus assume there’s no other possible way to live. Allow me to disagree, even if you disbelieve the reason why: YES THERE IS another way to live. A healthier and happier one. But in order to find it, you must first let go of bad old habits. And in order to let go of these habits that no longer serve you, you must be willing to admit you have them; you’re not perfect; you’re not in control; you’re not currently being the best possible version of yourself; you have learning to do.
And that, my friends, is scary.
So if you’re weak, don’t even bother with this article. It takes courage to proceed.
“No matter what, I’m a good person”
This is the core belief behind the entire “religion” of Egotism (I’m saying religion sarcastically here, take note in case you’re neurodivergent).
We keep repeating that like a mantra, because deep down we don’t trust it’s true. We don’t trust others will believe it unless we keep constantly reaffirming it to seek their validation. “Just one more time”; “Just in case”; “Just to ensure I’m still good in their eyes”.
Worst yet: we assume everyone is like that, and thus we keep trying to control and manipulate one another with the threat that “I will think you’re a bad person if you don’t do/speak/act the way I want”. Have you ever considered… Some people don’t actually give a fuck? I don’t. You can’t threaten me with that. I’m unafraid of “people thinking I’m bad”, it’s just their thoughts, and they aren’t know-it-alls. Someone else will like me. Why bother converting YOU, too. Why devalue myself to win over a hater if I can just focus on existing fans?
But it’s like a religion, people just follow this broken logic like sheep incapable of thinking for themselves. “I must show this and that person I’m good” — okay, let’s say you do and you’re successful. Then down the line, you find out THEY are unethical, and end up splitting ways anyway. Was it worth it to put up that little show? What if (imagine that!) you focused on proving your worth to yourself instead?
But sure, there’s complexity in that.
People don’t dissociate willy nilly. Nobody gets delusional or hides their genuine thoughts behind “socially acceptable” masks for funsies. Nobody is born thinking they must protect their façade of “saint who can do no wrong” at all costs. It’s a learned behaviour.
Think long and hard: WHERE did you learn it? WHY did you learn it? There is no blanket answer. It can be different for each individual. But somehow, we’re all learning this limiting belief, and that’s a problem. I learned it too, and I’m currently in the process of unlearning it. I write in order to register my journey, and take you with me along the way in case you want that.
You see, the problem isn’t in believing you’re a good person. The problem is in believing that NO MATTER WHAT, you’re good (or bad, in case someone dares trying to help you grow). The emphasis is important. It’s an extremist, black-or-white, all-or-nothing kind of belief about yourself. A lot of people are like that. If someone calls them out, it’s the end of the world, because they become the 100% evil villain. If someone enables them, it’s a Disney-like happily ever after, because they become the 100% good hero. No in-between. No balance. No complexity or… Humanity.
Yes, I said what I said. We’re dehumanising ourselves. We’re thinking of ourselves as this see-saw that goes from “hell” to “heaven” instantly, and back and forth nonstop, without ever settling in a more balanced POV. It creates anxiety, uneasiness, paranoia, misery.
It’s no wonder modern people are constantly caught-up in trying to appear flawless for others to see. “If I don’t fight to have the upper hand over others, others will have the upper hand over me”. With some mental gymnastics, this becomes “if I open my mind to others, I’m allowing them to walk all over me and boss me around” Click here for a real example in a comment section, when some interpreted my open-mindedness as a “free for all”, because surely if I’m not on the defensive I must be attacking? If I’m not prey, I’m predator? Surely I don’t just mean I’m willing to understand a thing, I have a hidden agenda whereby I’ve already decided what to think and I’m just waiting for a chance to prove it, they think? With zero evidence for that, of course. Perhaps their fingers will fall off if they don’t attack me as a preventative measure, aye? #sarcasm WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK GUYS, WE’RE NO LONGER APES IN THE JUNGLE. WE’RE CIVILISED. LET’S FUCKING GET OUT OF THIS KILL-OR-BE-KILLED MINDSET FOR GOODNESS’ SAKE. As if all relationships had to stay vertical, and horizontal was not a possibility. As if everything in life was about coercion, power, dominating each other, competition.
Let’s just… Not?
We think this is normal, just cause it’s a common thing or “has been around for a long time”. It isn’t normal, though. It isn’t the only way to live. Get off the see-saw, it wasn’t designed for staying in the middle ground; It was designed for constantly switching between “powerful” and “powerless” depending on who’s on the ground. It forces you to undermine and dominate the other person at all costs in order to elevate yourself — but the thing is… there’s a whole playground around you, and nobody is forcing you to stay in this one toy. You can walk out.
You’re not the problem. The game is the problem. Stop playing it.
(No hate to the actual toy. This is a metaphor).
If you didn’t get it, here’s my point in a more straightforward (but potentially scary) wording:
Love it or hate it, you ARE coexisting with others within your own social class. Stop fearing your peers. Start trusting and collaborating.
No, this isn’t my opinion. I’m no idealist. This is a cold hard FACT about life. Collaboration is a thing, deal with it. You can’t choose to be entirely self-sufficient. The living beings that come closest to self-sufficiency are plants, and even they still depend on nutrients in the soil. Even plants need to trust that the environment will be generous enough to allow them to live.
Who are we, human beings, to assume we’re entirely independent from each other? Egotism and narcissism at its peak, ain’t it? Who are we to assume we can choose not to trust others, stay in the comfort (yes, COMFORT. I spelled it right) of our fears and insecurities, when our very survival has always depended and will always depend on blind trust?
Or do you grow your own food? Do you milk your cows? Do you farm your meat? Do you make your own equipment? Huh?
Where does your water come from, do you own the well? Even if so, can you maintain it all by yourself? Who clothed you, or are you in charge of this entire supply chain? Did you mine the fucking silicon that goes towards this electronic device where you’re reading a blog post?
NO YOU DIDN’T. Nobody is ever self-sufficient, and this is not to blame on Capitalism, this is to blame on the fact we’re human beings, not all-powerful deities. We can only do so much, so we distribute different tasks across the community. Even if you live off-grid, you need a community.
Trusting others isn’t a choice, it’s a duty. If you never trust, you die. So don’t come at me with excuses like “I can’t apply this same logic to my social relationships because I’m unable to trust”. Oh yes you can. You can and you do, all the fucking time:
Are you always 100% certain the barman didn’t poison your drink? “Oh but there are laws against that”, yes and it can still fucking happen, psychopaths exist and prisons are full for a reason. How do you know your roommate won’t randomly stab you? Can you know beyond any doubt you won’t get kidnapped by a taxi? Why be so certain you won’t be struck by lightning during a stroll? All these things are unlikely — but not impossible.
Am I feeding paranoias? No. I’m trying to open your eyes to the fact that you do, in fact, trust other people, animals, the environment, everything. It’s not a choice, it’s just a fact. We have no choice, we MUST trust that things will go smoothly, and a lot of the variants are things you DO NOT control or have power over. You aren’t as powerful as you think, and you have no moral ground to be on a high horse about “potential enemies” lurking behind a helping hand.
Unless there are real red flags, do not invent red flags “just to be on the safe side”. It’s not only stupid, but inefficient.
Read this now, carefully and slowly: you have no reason whatsoever to assume someone who offers an open mind and a listening ear, will hurt you or is secretly hurting you. This is due to the simple fact that you’re just deluding yourself: no, you CANNOT predict and prevent every unfortunate event. It’s FUTILE to assume the worst instead of assuming the best, because the worst can and will surprise you in other ways. Meanwhile, optimism can keep you sane, but alas, you abandoned it. And you’re not any more protected than if you hadn’t abandoned it. Lose-lose situation.
Life is made of a careful balance between “preventing” and “correcting” unfortunate stuff. You achieve nothing by trying to categorise people between “those I trust” and “those I distrust”, because this simplification is just an illusion. It’s not real.
At the same time, you can absolutely make lists of people you trust (because they consistently act in good faith with you) vs people you distrust (because they ALREADY betrayed you). But pay attention here: you need a past for that. You need a relationship history to already exist, in order to make such judgements.
If you just go like “oh, this stranger looks a certain way — I will/won’t trust them” or “well, that stranger sounds a certain way — I will/won’t trust them” you aren’t using the past. You’re using the future. You’re trying to predict the unpredictable, because you aren’t accounting for things like coincidences, or human complexity. If person A sounds “rude” and betrayed you in the past, who is to say person B who sounds similar will betray you? Maybe they’re from another culture and that’s why they sound that way. Maybe they’re neurodivergent. Maybe they’re just traumatised and currently unable to be prim and proper with you.
Will you risk missing out on a potentially helpful hand? Just for the sake of feeding your egotistic need for an illusion of control, which isn’t even real to begin with? Are you out of your mind? Stop shooting yourself in the foot.
Don’t burn your bridges based on pure fear or prejudice. It could backfire in the future. And that, my friend, is not just my opinion — it’s a fact of life.
