Solar vs Lunar communication styles: can there be dialogue?
…Or does it always lead to conflict?
I used to take this personally, since I’m a very solar person, and I don’t get on well with the lunar crowd. Growing up some more, however, made me realise it could be a universal phenomenon. Do you relate? Let me know in the comments.
So, what are these metaphors? What does it mean to be solar or lunar?
It goes without saying, I’m not being literal. That’s impossible. We’re all born on planet Earth, nobody is from the sun or from the moon in a literal sense. If you’re used to poetic language, you’ll probably enjoy my article. If on the other hand you “demand” literality and yawn-inducing pedantism, maybe stick to other blogs. This is my corner of the internet and I have fun here whether you like it or not.
Solar communicators are people whose style is comparable to how the sun behaves: it reaches you every morning in a very disorganised, yet powerful flash of light. Sunlight isn’t “concerned” with where it lands or how many things it illuminates. It doesn’t cherrypick targets or exclude specific places because they didn’t achieve the super-duper-specific conditions for the sun to shine on them. No. Nothing about “sun” is exclusive at all! Instead, sunlight will reach EVERYTHING AT ONCE on its way. Similarly, these people tend to be spontaneous and carefree in what they say or how they say it, without calculating anything with precision; They stay open to whatever will happen and tend to have the mindset of mitigating, instead of preventing, mistakes.
Lunar communicators, on the other hand, function like the moon: moonlight usually has a narrower focus (compared to sun), and there are multiple phenomena that can make it appear weaker than usual — for instance, if it’s too cloudy, or if there are obstacles in front of an object. That’s totally different from sunlight, which can only be blocked by an eclipse (at source) or by very thick walls (at the target). So, let’s just say the moon is pickier. Moodier. More susceptible to throwing everything to the air and saying “okay bye, I’m too irritated to stay here” at the first sign of a minor inconvenience. More fragile, if you will. Similarly, the people I’m comparing to the moon here are very concerned with precision, tend to measure their words a zillion times before they say anything, and expect the same level of care and dedication from everyone else — regardless of context, even during a very informal conversation! It’s very high stakes. It puts me on alert and doesn’t let me relax or be spontaneous at all. That’s my bias speaking, probably, but I won’t lie here.
Now, whatever you call this lunar disposition (if you dislike “lunar”, insert your term here. Same for solar), there’s a common misconception that they’re obsessive and narrow-minded. I used to think that way, but today I know better. It’s not true! There can be really open-minded people among the lunar crowd. The thing is, maybe they don’t feel comfortable focusing on more than one thing at the same time (which gives you the illusion some topics are off limits, period; when in fact you just need some patience). If you give them enough time in between different topics, though, you could be surprised with how enthusiastic they are about discussing more than one thing with you.
Similarly, there’s a misunderstanding that commonly happens about the solar temperament: no, they’re not all extroverted. If I were talking about introverts vs extroverts, I’d have used these well-known words. I’m not doe-eyed about using obscure jargon (In other words, I’m not lunar. That level of precision isn’t my cup of tea, I think it creates too much ceremony). The only reason I’m using sun and moon metaphors here is, literally, I can’t come up with anything else — but I gave you freedom to use your own terms in the comments if you wish. Anyway, back on topic: solar people aren’t all extroverted. They’re open to improvisation. That’s different. Spontaneity and appetite for variety can very much exist in introverts too. It happens all the time! So if you relate, but you’re an introvert, don’t feel excluded.
Hot vs Cold
What does “hot” mean? What does “cold” mean? You know it in a literal sense, and chances are you know common figurative meanings used in everyday speech when we’re talking about people, like “hot means restless” and “cold means withdrawn”. (That’s where the misconception that one is always introverted and the other is always extroverted comes from, by the way. Not true). So I won’t go by common consensus here. I don’t dislike the consensus, in fact I love it, I’m fascinated by its riches of meaning! But we’re using the metaphors for a purpose here, so let’s narrow down our focus.
I’d like to draw your attention to flexibility. Think of something you can freeze — perhaps a piece of meat, some ice cream, vegetables, etc, whatever you want. Do you have the picture in your head? Great.
Now, let’s imagine both stages: frozen and thawed. Which one of them is easier to bend out of shape, cut, pour (if it becomes a liquid), etc? I bet you said “thawed”. You’re spot on. As a rule of thumb (there are exceptions, but generally), if you add heat to something, it becomes more flexible. Conversely, if you freeze it, it becomes stiff and it limits your range of possibilities. Right? Frozen food can be delicious, I love some frozen fruit added to a refreshing lemonade or a scoop of ice cream on top of a dessert. It’s not bad! However, you can only use it as it comes straight out the box. It’s inflexible.
On the other hand, freezing is important because it helps us preserve things — not just food, but let’s keep to the food metaphor — or else we’d have to go back to preserving food with salt or vinegar like the Ancients did. It works, but it changes the taste significantly. Ice, on the other hand, preserves food just the way it is. Depending on how fragile is your ingredient (notoriously, mushrooms) freezing and thawing changes the texture, but in most cases freezing is super useful anyway. It was a revolutionary invention. We can’t overlook its benefits.
Similarly, people can fit into one or the other. Some are very good at preserving wisdom passed down the generations, but become offended at anyone who tries to flexibilise this wisdom — like “how dare you not just use it straight out the box, and add more to it using the ancient recipe! You wanna change it? Sacrilegious!”. The other side is very good at adapting messages to different people, but becomes offended at anyone who tries preserving it — like “how dare you not just keep it in motion, how can you assume so arrogantly that something is fully ready?”
We don’t need one or the other in isolation. We need to cook. That requires both processes.
How to bridge solar and lunar communication styles?
I don’t have all the answers. In fact, I’m trying to find them. I used to feel very resentful at the fact I’m the only “side” who bothers making an effort, whereas the lunar crowd just sits there expecting ready answers and don’t do their fair share to empathise with “the other” because it creates minor inconveniences for them. In fact, I don’t think I have fully overcome the resentment. Sometimes I wonder why do I even try… Then I remind myself that, as I said, I don’t have all the answers. Maybe this other side which is so mysterious and puzzling to me is in fact working towards cooperation, but I still haven’t learned to decipher what they’re trying to say in the process. Who knows! Here’s to hoping that is true.
…Or it could just be they’re difficult people who couldn’t be arsed indeed, and I’m fooling myself that there’s hope when in fact there isn’t. Equally possible, but I no longer fear this possibility. I think it’s worth it to be ms brightside. That’s what I’m here for. The moon reflects the light from my crowd, after all.
I won’t “explain” this article. If you get it, you get it. And if you don’t… Go back to that dull life deprived of artistic creativity and refrain from trolling, please.
