Sometimes, hitting a standstill simply means you need to stand still.
Don’t be playing people’s power games forever.
You know those cliché photos of plants growing through concrete against all odds? The above is along those lines, but tells a different story. I am like this plant — this was even revealed in a vision, a while back — not only growing through concrete, but thriving and multiplying and eagerly covering up the once hostile environment in a lush carpet of green.
I need to stop doing that. I need to go find some of that sweet compost I ACTUALLY deserve instead. Why insist on staying in the concrete? What will that give me, other than headaches and burnout? Sure it’s good enough to just sprout out of the concrete at first… But once sprouted, let’s head towards a fertile destination; Not towards completely covering this big rock that caused nothing but trouble. It doesn’t even deserve so much foliage! For heaven’s sake!
And you know what’s worse? The plant suffers. If you take one of these climbing vines and lift it up from over a rocky surface, you won’t find any roots there, just runners that sprouted leaves on them. A big part of the plant isn’t even feeding the way it should! It’s spreading itself thin trying to find a richer soil.
I got a bit carried away in the metaphor above. Maybe some of you are having fun with it; but you get the idea. Adaptability is a great skill, but sometimes we need to respect our limits and actually BE kind of a “diva” and demand a higher quality of relationships (or whatever it is you’re falling short of in life).
For example: in therapy, coaching, and other kinds of counselling, I’m always eager to say “yes” to all of the constructive comments on what I do or say or what I am as a person. I’m in it to make the most of it, so of course I’ll let this person pick me apart, I usually tell myself. But the problem is… Why? Nobody is perfect, so I’m not perfect, that is true; But this person in front of me isn’t perfect either! Geez! Sometimes they’ll say actually helpful things — and I can take that in as usual — but other times they’re gonna come up with BS. And instead of being a “good girl” I always am and giving them grace in these moments… Maybe I should call BS what it is and say “listen now, either you drop this shite or I ain’t coming back”.
My inner people pleaser is screaming NOOOOO, but I’m no longer listening to her. I know she means well, but I’ve got this, she need not worry.
Besides, when a builder messes up in my house I make him come back or give me a refund. Similar with other services (within reason). So why on Earth should I have a double standard for counselling? Just ’cause it feels like talking to a friend? Bitch, please.
Another example: I reached a certain point in my music learning where I’m no longer struggling with the instrument; I can do with less mechanical practice and more theory. Besides, I want to compose, so I need theory for that. My inner people pleaser initially wanted me to give up on that goal, just so I don’t upset my current teacher who isn’t all that interested in theory… Because we’ve known each other for a while and it would be awkward to move on. But actually, I think I’m on the verge of moving on very soon. It’s a case of “oh, you don’t have what I need? Okay, cool. I’ll go look for someone else who does”. I’m not upset, but most importantly I’m no longer afraid of upsetting my teacher. I want what I want. This sounds like being a bit irreductible, a bit of a diva, but honestly? If the diva attitude exists, honey, that means it serves a purpose somewhere. Ain’t nothing “all bad”.
In the past, I would be afraid of certain comments in case I quit “too soon”. Namely:
“You’re having a temporary difficulty with the ego. That’s why you’re not taking this in, etc, blah blah, yadda yadda”.
“Music theory isn’t even all that important. Rules can be broken. It works better for classical anyway, not other styles. Blah blah, yadda, yadda”.
Both true? Well, there’s always a possibility. I won’t discard it. But that’s not the point.
The point is that, as I said, and will repeat: I want what I want. And I’m not second-guessing my intuition no more. The same intuition that led me to “a block of concrete” to learn a super valid lesson, is now telling me to change direction and go elsewhere — a place where I’ll find different, equally good, lessons.
These new lessons just aren’t with the same people. And that’s why they propose these power games: they don’t want me to stray from the designated path they’ve already made for me. Who has an ego now? Oh, how the tables turn…
Equally possible: I might just have found “a standstill” that can turn into a personality quirk and doesn’t even NEED resolving all that badly. Is having an ego a crime? I don’t think so, buddy. Neither is exploring an area of knowledge deemed “not diverse enough”. So, let me just grab my imperfection here and put it on like a piece of clothing. Everyone has theirs. Nobody’s in a high horse.
Replace the above examples with your own situation. I’m only “exposing” myself here, but the lesson should be adaptable.
Food for thought.
