We need to talk about the sexism and misogyny in Neopagan circles.
A lot of “pagan intellectuals” won’t admit they’re actually quite sexist, but I’m here to call out that BS.
This is a problem I’ve been observing since 2018. I never commented on it before but I’ve come to realise it’s actually common and not just a detail I was nitpicking on. This is important. We need to talk about it.
The image of Neopaganism that a lot of people like to put forward is that of a community of intellectuals who are far above any kind of prejudice or bigotry. Some go as far as saying “well, yes, there ARE problems in our midst” and point to the Odinists and other Neonazi groups… But conveniently forget that it isn’t just the far-right we should keep tabs on. In fact, NONE of my own stories of misogyny come from the heathens. I was never a heathen to begin with. I take no interest in the Norse gods. All of my stories of sketchy sexist behaviour come from the Celtic and Hellenic communities. The “nice” ones. The ones where we don’t have Odinists, so apparently everything is fine. Yeah, sure. You wish.
First of all, if you’re new to the scene: know that Neopagan communities aren’t morally superior to other religions. Yes I know, they’d like to think they are (or delude themselves into thinking they are) superior to a bunch of religions especially Christianity (which is the religious background a lot of people leave behind to become polytheists) but no, there’s no moral superiority whatsoever. Ya know how there are predators in the church, also in Buddhism, same in Hinduism, sketchy stuff in Native American traditions, and on and on the list goes?
Well, guess what. There is, and there has always been the same kind of stuff (or even worse) in Neopaganism. It’s not even very well hidden, people see it all the time but normalise it and don’t speak up. Those who do speak up are outspoken “bitches” like myself, or people like Sarah Anne Lawless who end up having to delete the content because of stress and burnout dealing with the never-ending retaliation. The BS came and will keep coming my way, as well. I just happen to have nothing to lose on the internet, so go ahead, cancel me away. I’ll keep speaking up. I’ll get louder every time someone tries to silence me.
Btw: seriously, follow my links. They’ll give you evidence to the claims I’m making here.
Some people make excuses — “oh, but this kind of predator problem only happens when a group becomes unnecessarily institutionalised…” Except, no, that’s not true. It doesn’t take a powerful leader with a million-dollar publishing empire to make this kind of stuff happen. I myself broke up a cult that was beginning to form in a super small and “irrelevant” community a while back and told the story over at the blog where I was working at the time (follow this link). What’s that saying, again? I’m on the same path as the women who “spoke truth to power”? Aye. That’s both a blessing and a curse but I’ve grown used to it.
First of all, there’s overt sexism. Quick test: look up your local, or your favourite, Neopagan group. Who is the leader? A man (again)?
This won’t always be the case, but I bet it’s the case in the overwhelming majority of times. So much for a modern religion that started in the 1960s and 70s (or at least the Celtic sects did — Hellenism goes back a century), claiming to be all for inclusivity and gender equality.
They wish.
“But Lucy, you’re exaggerating. Maybe most women just don’t feel like starting traditions”.
Wrong. Women — or feminine people in general — just aren’t perceived as “leadership material” in the eyes of most people because we all grew up in a highly misogynistic society. There’s no lack of trying. I follow several Neopagan women and witches who have tons of followers on social media and beyond, but people only go as far as buying their books or engaging in intellectual discussion with them. They’re not interested in actually joining their paths, although some of them are quite unique and could very well be the founding mothers of a new tradition.
You see, even the people who live in “developed” countries (whatever that means in Capitalistic terms, sorry I forgot) still feel very uneasy at the prospect of being led by a woman. Especially so, a YOUNG woman — or youngER than them; it’s the same sentiment either way.
To add insult to injury, some women who did succeed in becoming leaders of their own tradition (or sometimes a community leader or organiser for Neopagan spaces in a broader sense; It’s not just the in-person covens and circles I’m talking about) are actually high in narcissistic traits. I could be wrong, but I speculate that it’s because narcissism thrives in a society where toxicity is excused and rewarded — I have an article about that too.
Further: narcissism and toxic masculinity have a lot in common. The sense of superiority, competitiveness, ENTITLEMENT, fake grandiosity and dick-measuring contests are all things I’m sure you’ve seen toxic men display; Well, guess what, so do narcissistic women. Covert narcissism can look more feminine on the surface because it’s all about victimhood and gossip games, but deep down it’s also coming from competitiveness and fake grandiosity. The narcissist is just overcompensating and hiding that from others; and often also from themselves, believing their own lies about how “super humble” and “super agreeable” they are — but behind the scenes still seeking power for its own sake, triangulating people to feel more in control, spreading misinformation, deliberately twisting, cherrypicking and misunderstanding things others said to escape accountability, and the list goes on and on.
When people in general (not just women) start to behave in toxic masculine ways just in order to fit in, you know we have a problem.
In before anything: no, I didn’t say all masculinity is toxic. Treat “toxic masculinity” like one word here. It’s a specific kind of masculinity that our society idealises; The world is full of good men but this article isn’t about them. I’m just talking about, ya know, unhealthy things like believing you’re either dominating others or being dominated (and there’s no such thing as horizontal cooperation, especially not so if there’s an age difference); That’s coming from toxic masculinity. That reckless predator who screams ooga-booga and beats on his chest. “You’re smaller and weaker than I, obey me quietly or I’m gonna break you”. That’s the archetype we all unconsciously embody so often, in an attempt to hide our loving and soft side in this dog-eat-dog world (again, a toxic masculine world).
And that’s the reckless, cold, heartless archetype we sometimes NEED to embody, especially as women, if we want any kind of notoriety in any kind of community — religious or not. I don’t even blame these women who are high in narcissistic traits. What I blame for the problem is everyone’s unwilingness to take a good look within and see why they’re rewarding (or worse, turning a blind eye to) domineering behaviour from our leaders, and how to stop doing that.
It’s like the old maxim of commerce — you can’t sell what there’s no demand for. Let’s not just hold our leaders accountable for their shite. Let’s also hold OURSELVES accountable for buying into them. But you see, pointing fingers is easy. It feeds the ego. Self-awareness, on the other hand, not so much…
Secondly, there’s covert sexism. It can be found in the Neopagan obsession with “book smarts”.
There’s sexism, elitism, Colonialism, ableism, white supremacism and all sorts of crap behind communities who worship Academia (pun definitely intended! If you sometimes get the feeling that Neopagans worship Academic institutions more than their gods, you’re not alone). However, if I were to discuss all these social problems at length, this would become a 60-minute article or beyond. Ain’t nobody got time for that. I’ll just comment on the sexism for now.
Some people in religious circles idealise book smarts because they secretly despise things like street smarts (a healthy kind of masculinity) or intuitive smarts (a healthy kind of femininity). I’m talking about our inner stuff, every human has all three (or more, who knows) regardless of gender; but we shun within us that which does not match the socially acceptable standard — and that is, I’ll repeat, toxic masculinity.
Don’t get me wrong, I do see the value of Academia. I have 2 undergrad and 2 post-grad degrees, I know a thing or two about how the institution works. And if I could go back in time, I’d do it all over again. No regrets. It exists for a very good reason and humanity would be worse off without it. I’m not here saying “Academia is bad”, not at all. Go for it, especially if you’re into Science. The problem is relying too heavily on it in the context of RELIGION.
You see, religion and spirituality are INTUITIVE areas of knowledge. You can’t force-feed a religious community the scientific method, just like you can’t force-feed a scientific community an ideal of “faith in the results”. It’s detrimental, you’ll end up destroying Science with intuition because then research becomes pointless; AND you’ll destroy religion with objectivity because then faith becomes pointless. Stop it.
Deep down, we know the above. I’m not telling you anything new. Some of us just ignore it and pretend not to know it, because we’re secretly misogynists. What gender do we associate more with intuition? Aye. Spot on. Female.
And as a misogynist society, we all grow up learning that intuition is “inferior” to reason. I mean, sure, sometimes it is, but some other times the opposite is true. It depends on the context. For instance, if you’re CHOOSING (and not being coerced into) a religion, chances are you’re open to believing things you can’t prove via the scientific method. It’s A CHOICE. Yes it is. I’m not speaking to Christians or Muslims here, I’m speaking to Neopagans. You guys are not the political majority anywhere. Every single one of you made a choice to get into it. Admit it.
If you’re *truly* so against trusting your own subjectivity, then it makes no sense for you to be religious. Go be an atheist. You’re free to do that. What are you waiting for?
Oh, yeah. That’s right. No Neopagan is ACTUALLY against subjectivity. In fact, most got into it because of an experience they had which they couldn’t explain (count me in the list). “Muh rationality” is just an excuse, isn’t it? An excuse to hide the sexist bias. Let’s be honest here: Neopagans put Academia on a pedestal because they don’t want to have to give in and admit they’re using their intuitive intelligence in their worship/practice. Like “yeah I’m believing some mystical shit but look, that’s backed up by History, I’m into Anthropology. That legitimises what I’m doing, right? I’m not a crazy weirdo, right?”
Let’s not forget that hysteria is historically (and currently — depending where you go in the world) associated with femininity. Women have always been dismissed as “crazy weirdos” for stepping even an inch outside the social norm. Men feel burnout and overwhelm; women are just “hysterical”. That’s sexism. A very current, alive-and-well form of sexism. Sure, we’re no longer overdiagnosing madness and forcefully imprisoning women in mental institutions, but that’s just because we now consider such practices barbaric and no longer acceptable against ANY human. Let’s not delude ourselves into believing we’ve become somehow more accepting of feminine intuition or literally anything that escapes “concrete proof or a good citation somewhere”.
Taking a decision because *puts on glasses* Mr. So-and-So said on such-and-such Academic article, according to this-and-that piece of evidence, ascertained it is a valid decision to take? Sure. Everyone applauds.
Taking a decision because you had a gut feeling? Hmmm… But was it an emergency? (A.K.A: were you FORCED, you poor thing, to take a spur of the moment intuitive decision because of the seriousness of the emergency? Ah it’s ok, we’ll let it slide this time). “Oh, no, it wasn’t an emergency”. “WHAT?” — everybody gasps — “That’s too feminine of you! Scandalous! Hysteric! Crazy! Shame on you!”
This includes, ya know, decisions to believe a thing; Decisions to ADMIT TO OTHERS you believe the thing. Does that ring a bell?
Burn the witch — metaphorically, today, but the mindset remains unchanged.
And HOW IRONIC that this toxic mindset made its way into… Let me check… Oh, yes, nothing less than the very movement that is trying to revive witchcraft in the industrialised West.
How very, utterly, ironic.
Where do I go from here? Where do WE go from here?
The question is a bit of a food for thought. In fact, I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying where I am: this imperfect reconstruction of an imperfect religion, by very imperfect human beings who are (hopefully) trying to do their best. All I’m doing here is trying to open people’s eyes to a thing they’re probably unable (or unwilling) to notice. Maybe it will improve, maybe not — I won’t stop speaking out, hopefully that helps. Yes I do realise I can’t have perfection. But I also realise I can’t stay blissfully ignorant about all the things we DO need to address, ASAP, FOR YESTERDAY.
People will keep trying to hold me back and I’ll keep resisting. That’s ok. Whatever it takes.
Some of these people are die-hard idealists, daydreamers, and they’ll go to hell and back trying to word-salad their way into staying oblivious to reality because maybe they don’t feel ready to acknowledge it just yet; Or maybe they’re afraid of the pain that could come of that. They’ll accuse me of being heartless or not understanding enough; merciless; a bitch; whatever insults come to mind, because I’m forcefully removing a beloved blindfold and now the uncomfortable light is flooding in.
I empatise, believe it or not. I have my reasons to empathise.
The thing is — we’re running out of time, collectively. We can’t afford to wait until you, or somebody else, decide to wake up from the beauty slumber. Sorry. Some lessons are things we won’t voluntarily jump head-first into or even do so much as approaching out of our own free will. We need a bitchy big-mouthed oracle like me to give us that little push. Of course some people resent me. No wonder. I can’t afford to provide you comfort, though. Keep hating.
I’m not buying into anyone’s facade. I’m not satisfying myself with the excuse that “in theory” certain things shouldn’t happen. A woman in theory can’t be sexist? Fuck that. In practice, a lot of them are; And they sometimes let it slip, making derogatory comments about “those shallow people (they mean women — almost certainly) who are into shallow things like designers and makeup, cheap entertainment [and insert intuitive, lighthearted, creative thing here]”. Oh, excuse me, arrest me then, I didn’t know that was a crime. Sometimes they deflect with “no, you misunderstood it, Lucy— I’m just talking about the excess” but no, they’re not. They deprive THEMSELVES of that “girly stuff”, so no. It’s not just the excess they shun.
It’s the EXISTENCE of femininity. Feminine hobbies, looks, intuition, non-reliance on Academia during spiritual practice… You fucking name it. But no, I won’t get into arguments with them. It’s what they want — the attention, the feeling of control (at least over my emotions). I won’t give them that. Instead, I keep these reflections for later and include them in blog posts if I see fit.
Honestly? Go watch Legally Blonde. No I’m not kidding. We need more role models like Elle. Feminine AND smart. Feminine AND powerful. Feminine AND strong. What’s wrong with that?
