Why are TERFs?
You’d think the feminist movement has had enough sabotage already… But no. Apparently, women are coming onboard with the sabotage now.
Look, I tried.
I can’t say I haven’t made an effort to relate to and understand these hyperfeminine, extremely sensitive and vulva-worshipping feminists by now. I give up, though. I’m sick of them.
I consider myself a feminist — for the record — but I’m not joining any more feminist circles. I’m sorry, but I’m exhausted. Everywhere I go, I see TERF. Is there a TERF-free feminist circle? If so, can you be so kind to invite me? Thank you.
Until that happens, though, I’m waving my feminist flag alone. Non-exclusionary feminist flag, just to be clear.
By the way: I’m blocking any TERF who comment here. I don’t care. Say whatever you want about me, you’re not allowed in my blog. Yes, keep gossiping. Still not allowed. I am sick of you. Fuck off.
A lot of TERF are degenerate. Sorry to inform.
I mean, what else would you expect from a crowd who consider sexual organs “sacred”? Family-friendly content? I think not.
Before we get into whether or not degeneracy is bad, let’s just take the above statement as a matter of fact… For science.
If you were to trust what I said above, morals aside, what would you come up with in your mind? I’ll volunteer a possible answer: “well… if TERF are degenerate… That means TERF are obsessed with sexuality and similar adult themes.”
By all means, call me a prude. I’ll own it. But if you have at least two braincells that haven’t yet been trapped by the conspiracy theories TERFs keep pushing… Hear me out.
What kind of person gets paranoid and writes extensively about the [very unlikely] possibility of unwanted sexual advances in women’s toilets? Who would fantasise with that, even if it’s a “bad” fantasy (as in: a thing you do NOT want… But still imagine)? Mentally healthy people totally not obsessed with sex? Average people who aren’t constantly thinking of it at all? Are you sure?
I’m not going to make fun of the neurosis prevalent in TERF circles (hey, I have my own unfounded fears too, albeit different ones. I am not a hypocrite) but what I will say is: we can only obsess over the things which we consider most important in our lives.
I don’t know about you, but I am not currently obsessing over the railways of Amsterdam. I’m sure they exist, but they aren’t a central theme in my life by any stretch of the imagination. I don’t even live in the Netherlands. Why should I care?
On the other hand, I do occasionally obsess over whether or not I can grow enough berries to be self-sufficient in fruit for at least 3 summer months. I mean… I own this house (thankfully, no longer renting). It needs a lot of work, but the garden is spacious and can produce a lot. The topic of “growing fruit” is directly relevant to my life because it’s a thing I’m actively engaging with every single day. So when I obsess about it, you can clearly see WHY.
You get the idea. I’m sure there are people who spend time thinking about things which aren’t immediately relevant to their lives (can’t relate, but hey, you’re valid), but I am very sceptical these people would end up OBSESSING about these things. In order to obsess, you need emotional investment. You need high stakes. You need it to feel PERSONAL.
So… The question is… WHY ON EARTH are transgender identities “personal” to certain feminists?
Could it be that they fear the competition (from “passing” trans women getting all the interesting men and leaving none for them?) Or maybe they fear that a lot of men would transition and stop being, well, men (therefore leaving the dating pool a lot more limited)? Now, THAT would feel personal. But it’s a shameful thing to admit, isn’t it? So, it makes sense that the excuse they use is, instead, “oh, but trans people are evil anyway”.
I suppose TERF radicalism doesn’t do a very good job at differentiating them from incels after all.
(I’m sure there might be lesbian TERFs — the exceptions — but I wouldn’t be surprised if the “rule” above is a real thing).
If TERF weren’t degenerate, they wouldn’t exclude trans. In fact, they’d welcome trans with open arms.
After all, who doesn’t like the idea of men embracing their feminine side? Men becoming softer, opening up to the subtle and elusive pleasures of life? Don’t we constantly complain about how “masculinity is the norm in our society”? Well… Let’s win some men over to the pink side of the force then. Why not?
I don’t particularly LIKE what I said above, because it can be construed as transphobic — I’m merely trying to see some merit in the TERF discourse (and probably failing at it). But if you look at the above with a cold, detached demeanor… You will hopefully see that even if a person decides to be transphobic against trans women by calling them “effeminate men”… that still does not justify fearing that they would somehow invade toilets and become aggressive. In fact, quite on the contrary.
Heck, it would make MORE sense if men suddenly started saying that trans men become aggressive because they take testosterone. At least there is medical precedent. Why on Earth accuse trans women of becoming aggressive? It is because of feminine hormones? That makes zero sense. Or is it because of “disguising as women”? But… Have you ever even met a real aggressor? Yeah, they don’t usually get meticulous to that extent. They simply attack — regardless of what they’re wearing at the moment of the attack.
Why would you fear someone you consider an “outsider” to femininity embracing femininity… Unless deep down, you have a lot of unaddressed prejudice AGAINST your own femininity? Here is another potential key to understanding TERF behaviour: self-loathing. When you internalise (because of patriarchy) that femininity is “bad”… Maybe subconsciously you end up believing that “nobody in their right mind” would want to become a woman… Except if they’re up to no good.
Either way, the problem isn’t trans people. The problem is with the TERF.
TERF women reduce femininity to the mere idea of “what you have between the legs”, overly simplifying the human experience (I mean, hello, intersex people exist too and I’m pretty sure they aren’t pleased either) and lowering the stakes so low, so incredibly low… That they can all undoubtedly “fit into womanhood” by birthright, without needing to move a finger or make any effort whatsoever towards cultivating and promoting femininity in the world. (I’m sure Simone de Beauvoir would be “delighted” to see that…).
TERF gatekeep womanhood because 1) they have very low self-confidence and don’t believe they are “worthy” women unless it is by a birthright outside of their control, 2) they envy the trans who are actually making this effort they refuse to make (and mentally justify to themselves as “impossible” or “beyond their means” when in fact they’re just lazy and entitled), and 3) they have an unhealthy obsession with sex (usually, heteronormative sex), which they project onto a strawman (which happens to be “extremely horny trans people who can’t control themselves”) to avoid admitting it to themselves. That’s because, I guess, when you present something as a fear, it’s “socially okay” to obsess over it. Right?
Yes, I know, a lot of the things I exposed above are taboos. They’re all things people should ideally address with a psychologist or psychiatrist, in a controlled environment. Perhaps some people will rage at me for exposing that dirty laundry because “how dare I”. How improper! How unladylike of me! But the thing is… You can’t talk about TERF without mentioning these taboos. Unless, of course, you stay on a surface level and keep wondering “why are TERF”. I’m past that phase already. Consider the title of this article mere clickbait.
You see, if you’re uncomfortable, YOU BET I am uncomfortable too. It’s no fun talking about certain things; exposing certain things. But this is what we get when a whole entire movement (aka TERF) arises out of certain women’s unaddressed psychological problems. Do you wish they kept their crippling anxiety and insecurities private? Well, my friend, so do I. And yet, here we are. Sorry, someone has to say it. The whole ordeal is already public. Perhaps try not to shoot the messenger.
“But the sacred feminine…”
Some TERF are occultists. Well… Guess what, so am I. And I am no TERF. Do you want to see a counterargument? Careful what you wish for.
Look, I am one of those “witches” who confuse people. I’ve lost count of how many shamans initially thought I was a man, until I showed my face; Or people I talked to online who assume I am a man (especially anonymously), until I give them my name. Previously, this was even worse — I used to go by Meron, which is unisex — now I’ve settled for Lucy, a lot easier to place on the gender spectrum. And let me remind you of a thing, real quick: I am cis.
Never in my life have I attempted “transitioning”. I’m a cis woman. I have a vagina and fully identify with other aspects of femininity too. Nonetheless, people misgender me all the time. Why could that be?
Well… I don’t know… perhaps… by chance… Gender isn’t all about genitals and hormones? Just a thought.
One could say gender is a social and performative construct (true…), but since we’re in this occultist fad here, let me add another layer: gender could also be about energy. Or should I discredit all the elders who misgendered me? Should I assume they are all bogus and can’t read my energy correctly (because OBVIOUSLY if I have a vagina, I must be entirely feminine)? And if I, a cis woman, can present “confusing” patterns like that at a subtle level, why can’t trans people naturally display more pronounced sex non-conformity?
Could it be that there are clues in my communication style and choice of rituals/spellwork which hint at an underlying “androgynous” energy I am still trying to piece together and make sense of? It’s not by chance that so many cultures worldwide acknowledge a third gender — in religion and spirituality, no less — REGARDLESS of what the person has between their legs.
I’m pretty sure the moon doesn’t go around inspecting people’s genitals before deciding which will connect with its energy and which won’t. And even that is complicated — depending on the culture, you get a moon god. Yes, a “man”; With a “woman” sun to pair with. Have I blown your mind already?
In the end of the day, humanity should strive for balance and harmony between the two gender extremes. That is what pretty much every [healthy] spiritual tradition preaches. This does not specify WHERE and WHY each of the extremes should be, who gets to be excluded, and who gets to be called a freak confined to the circus.
When I put it like that, (I can only hope!) maybe even the TERF would regret being so rigid and close-minded about the natural gender “craziness” our world is made of. That is, of course, a wishful thought. I’m not hoping it will become a reality anytime soon, because TERF don’t seem to be coming from a place of genuine fear and concern. No… Instead, they are self-centered and unwilling to acknowledge (let alone address) the fact that they are putting their own competitiveness and self-loathing-fuelled angst BEFORE social harmony or real justice. And this is why we don’t mix. This is why I am not open to talking to them anymore.
This blog post is merely here to clarify my stance on the topic, if anyone is feeling curious. I’ve said it and will repeat: my tolerance to harassment is zero. I’ve said my piece. Take it or leave it.