Why I don’t call myself a “witch”.
…Or why I haven’t used the word in a good few years to refer to myself.
Yes, this is a “by the way, fun fact about me” article written in a subjective style; But it’s also here so that when I’m working on the blog, I can stumble upon it, re-read it, and remind myself of what I wrote here every now and then.
You see… I have a bit of a problem with “lunar people”. I’ve written (vented?) extensively about it already. You might be tired of the topic if you follow me. Sorry, lol. Next article will be impersonal, so stay tuned. Skip this one if you will.
Due to my personal grievances, I sometimes catch myself trying too hard to win these people’s hearts — when in fact, I might be coming across as fake (and I don’t blame them for perceiving me that way…) because their quirks and their way of being and relating in the world actually go against some of my most deeply-held values. So why is it I keep insisting in force-fitting myself into a circle of friends that would most definitely make me miserable if it ever worked out? I… don’t really know! It’s almost like a siren call. It’s weird.
Well, to be quite honest, deep down, I know why. I go against my instinct because I was born among this kind of people. There might be some part of me that still hopes my family of origin will one day learn to love me and welcome me, not “as a project”, but for who I naturally am (and I project that onto friends, counsellors, etc, who are “like them”). I don’t know why I still have a part of me that wishes for that, rationally I’ve already decided to stay non-contact, but yeah. I’m not fully over it. And although I wish very hard, with every fibre of my being, that I was already over it… I can’t lie to myself. I’m not. I don’t know what to do to finally get over it both for my sake, and for the sake of the people whose time I’m wasting. I’ve exhausted all the possibilities already. Maybe it’s beyond me. Maybe it’s a matter of time. Or maybe I will never, ever, be over it. I’ll just have to accept that. It’s frustrating, but it is what it is.
Anyway… My genuine self, the part of “me” that is most authentic and free, clashes with the kind of person society at large associates with the image of “the witch”. And unfortunately, there’s nothing I can do about it, because we’re not talking about negotiable stuff. We’re talking about PRIMAL needs of mine; Values I hold so deep and have so much regard for, that I could LITERALLY DIE (or, well, die metaphorically — become numb and apathetic) if I neglected them for too long.
Do I dabble in witchcraft? Yes. But do I fit into the community? No.
I know what some of you might be thinking: “oh, Lucy, don’t worry about other people’s opinions. Just be yourself, march to the beat of your own drum”.
Yeah, sure. Easier said than done.
Look, this is not about opinions. I couldn’t care less if people “talk”. Let them. The problem is another: when you’re an exception to any label or stereotype, the problem is the “love” you will get from the “wrong” crowd. They misunderstand you with the best of intentions. It creates a lose-lose situation where you look like the ungrateful one, and they look like the blind ones. It never ends well.
If you’ve ever been mistaken for something you’re not, and accidentally welcomed into the wrong clique, only to be ostracised in the end because — duh, who would have thought? — you don’t actually subscribe to their unspoken code of conduct and you end up becoming a liability to them instead of an asset… You’ll get what I mean here.
I’m tired of that. This is why I don’t try “reclaiming” any label for myself which is in current use for… uh… people who are way too different from me to be of any comfort.
No, I don’t hate them. This isn’t about hate. This is about being misperceived, miscategorised, and catered to in the wrong way. Again, if you can’t relate, you won’t be able to understand what I’m on about. That’s ok. I’m just registering my feelings. People are free to stay confused.
First of all: I don’t see the world in a black-and-white dichotomy…
…Where on one side we have “the natural”, and on the other, “the artificial”. Life, for me, has always been about a paradoxical coexistence of these two extremes. Do problems exist within one or the other? Absolutely. But in my view, problems come from things like greed and power lust. That’s why we have an ancient maxim against excesses… Problems DO NOT come from “too much artificiality” or “too much natural”. Because there are no such things in the first place! GMOs aren’t intrinsically bad (in fact, they’re usually good). Lab crystals are the same exact thing as naturally extracted crystals (with the added benefit of more ethical provenance). Vaccines work. But, yes, sometimes foraged food DOES have more nutrients than greenhouse-grown. I could go on and on…
You could argue my very practice — the oracle tradition I’m learning — was born in a sanctuary that blends the [stereotype of] “natural world” with the [stereotype of] “man-made construction” in a manner that was unprecedented for the culture in question. (Yes I’m vague about it because the Internet is full of fascist weirdos ready to co-opt every label they see, but if you follow me, you know which one).
What is man-made? If you pick a fruit from a tree, aren’t you (a human) making something (a rudimentary meal)? On the other side of the spectrum… What is natural? If you extract oil, process it, and make plastic, aren’t you simply transforming a natural raw material into something new that is entirely made of natural raw materials you didn’t bring into existence out of nowhere like a god?
Even the most philosophy-savvy lunar witch who sees the nuance I’m talking about here, in my experience, will only see a small part of this nuance. Maybe she (or he — but usually a “she”) will deny that she subscribes to a dichotomy, because the word “dichotomy” can be perceived as loaded and not completely on the clear where morals are concerned… But that doesn’t stop any of what I said from being true, does it? This brings us to the next point:
My communication tends more towards the rational than towards the emotional side of things.
Or, in other words, these people [I keep trying, and should stop, to befriend] often accuse me of being insensitive and unempathetic… When in fact… I’m a bit of an empath. Sorry. (*Runs and hides to dodge the inevitable backlash*).
The thing is, although I’m very capable of empathising with people, and often do so, I can’t “turn off the switch” that goes like “look, there’s a logical problem here” inside my head for the sake of appeasing anyone’s sensitivities. I just can’t. I’m sorry. It’s outside of my control.
I know that nobody likes to be called (or implied) illogical or attached to a wrong conclusion. It’s not fun. It stings and feels like an insult. Yeah, I get that. If my mission here on this planet, as a soul, were to become a mother figure for the sensitive people who need a little bit of comfort and encouragement… I totally would be able to provide that!
But it’s not. Instead, I’m here to clear things up for people whose judgement has been clouded by emotions. This goes far beyond just the “lunar” crowd, by the way. That mission comes with side-effects, such as, yes, as you guys keep pointing out, I’m not exactly the coziest or the most uplifting presence in your lives. Deal with it.
Thirdly, I’m not a romantic, and never will be.
No, not even in the literal sense of the word. And neither is my husband. Thank gods. :)
Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a “I’m not like other girls” moment. I don’t equate romanticism with femininity. Do you? Because if you do, you’d better rethink that!
I mean, yes, femininity can be romantic… But it doesn’t have to. It took me ages to learn this lesson, precisely because the stereotype sort of preaches to us that the only valid way to be feminine is with romanticism and nostalgia and attachment and obsessing over details and ascribing sentimental value to every single careful choice that took hours to make… Good grief! No, thanks.
My style (even literally, with clothes), is minimum to zero frills. It’s a sleek and modern kind of femininity. And I couldn’t be happier! That’s another of the zillion reasons I get on super well with the French. [Modern] Parisian “effortless” style? YES PLEASE. And none of that cliché lovey-dovey touristy shit.
This topic relates to the witch community in a more figurative way — like with the tools and fancy ceremonial stuff. I want none of it. I stick to the bare minimum, simplified. I can’t relate to the long ramblings “lunar” people get into or the excitement they feel with an ambience that feels old-timey and aesthetic and whatever. I mean… good for them. Just not my cup of tea. And I’m sick of pretending I relate (just to be nice and avoid hurting their feelings) when in fact I don’t.
Last (but not least), I don’t think everyone and everything is mixed and connected and indissociable.
I’m sorry. I tried subscribing to that, but I’ve come to realise I can’t. It just reminds me of enmeshment and stickiness and clinginess and all the things that make me go into fight-or-flight mode. Call me imperfect, but I haven’t yet learned to like any of that… And I don’t think I ever will.
I’m not watery, after all. I don’t see life as a big “soup” where everything and everyone is “swimming” together and impossible to separate or categorise into different spaces.
I know… At first impression, this might sound like it contradicts what I said in #1 (that life has nuances and isn’t black-or-white), but bear with me: I’m not advocating for anything black-or-white here. I’m simply in favour of acknowledging that, while we are connected to some extent, we’re also individuals. And we shouldn’t forget that we are individuals. Ever. Even for a second.
Quickest way to give me the ick: smother me. Ew. EW. Get the fuck away.
Figuratively, this value of mine is why I clash against witches when they expect me to put subtext in a higher tier of priority than… ya know… the text itself. That’s because, when you come from a place of “connectedness”, you’re going to assume that everyone is automatically always scanning the other and obsessing over the unsaid or what’s in between the lines for the sake of accommodating and adapting to people — because everyone is like an extension of everyone, or whatever. Conversely, when you’re more individualistic (not ABSOLUTELY individualistic; Just MORE individualistic. Please, pretty please, learn that the world is not black-and-white, thank you)… like myself… You’ll feel invaded and smothered by that kind of expectation.
I mean, it’s one thing to expect consideration and politeness out of people. I can agree with that! But it’s another thing entirely to be unclear in your communication, and then not only take for granted but also demand that everyone picks up on the “unsaid” things that are in fact super vital for you. I don’t get it! If it’s vital, why not make it clear? And if it’s secondary, maybe leave THAT for in-between-the-lines. No? Okay… Whatever. Each to their own then.
Another aspect to this obsession with enmeshment is the fact it gives “lunar” people carte blanche to be wishy-washy. I know they mean well and aren’t actually trying to drive anyone mad when they promise a thing but don’t deliver, or schedule something and don’t show up, or just behave in a laid-back way in a context where it would be better if they were punctual. This behaviour used to drive me nuts, but I’ve come to learn they’re just behaving (surprise, surprise!) like the moon. It has phases… There are auspicious ones, and not-so-auspicious ones. And to these people, it’s vitally important that they be completely auspicious and on top of their game in order to deliver anything because they just want to do their best and be perfect.
I understand that now.
However, I still prefer commitment and punctuality. Sorry. Perfection isn’t a value for me! And it’s okay if it’s a value for them, I won’t argue against that — I’m just saying it isn’t for me and never will be. That’s not negotiable. I need dependable people in my life. Dependable and probably imperfect. That’s my thing. So, I can’t see eye-to-eye with people who are too radically on the “free spirited” side of the spectrum. It annoys me too much. I don’t know how to make room for that without betraying myself.
I’ll repeat: I DO NOT come from a place of prioritising connectedness. What I prioritise is “putting each thing in its place”. Connectedness will always come second. So I can’t let things slide under the assumption that “we’re connected anyway so it doesn’t matter when or where we meet and do this thing together” — no, actually it does matter. A LOT. I value sticking to one’s word whatever it takes. That’s how I roll and I’m sick of pretending otherwise, so if this article offends a bunch of people, so be it.
I’ve said my piece. I probably will retire this topic from now on. Feel free to comment, react, or just do your thing. See you next time.
