Working with human spirits: dos and don’ts.
You need an open mind to read this article. Just saying.
I have a good friend (if you know him, you’ll instantly know who it is) who calls human spirits “dead people”. In his tradition, this makes sense, because everybody already has some kind of idea of what to expect (even if vaguely). I’d personally rather use “human spirits” instead, because I talk to a wider audience which includes complete newbies and curious bystanders who might mistake that for some grave-robbing shit. No. What we’re talking about, today, is the spirits (or “ghosts”) of dead people… So, not at all the body, just the soul, and how to work with that.
The note above also hints at an interesting fact we don’t pay attention to: what exactly are we talking about when we say “people”? Is it the body? Is it the soul? Or is it a combination of both?
Maybe it sounds like a pedantic question, but it’s in fact very useful. It can help you understand why there are so many traditions regarding burials and mourning, and why they differ so much. It is a fact that nobody knows for sure what happens after we die. The best we can do is speculate. Out of these speculations, different traditions were born worldwide. Some place more importance on the physical body, other on the spirit. Other traditions, even, you could say, consider both equally. Who is right? Who is wrong? Well, we can’t know. I won’t go down the rabbit hole of metaphysics and sacred text in order to settle that. Instead, I’m taking a more pragmatic approach to the question of spirit work today. Namely, “what works, works, and we don’t need to know why”.
Spirit work is an activity I used to say I “wing it”, but as it turns out, I appear to have specific cultural influences. These are:
- Northern European, from my Swedish line.
- West African, by friends of my parents who were in the cultus of Ifa.
Both seem to agree on the importance of dreams. I’m sure a lot more traditions worldwide would agree, too — I’m just not very experienced with them to comment anything significant.
I’m a bit of a melting pot myself (repeating that for the new followers or random readers stumbling upon here). My chosen religion (not for ancestor work, but just as a religion) is Buddhism, specifically Nyingma (Tibetan). My oracle work is Hellenic, which syncretises with the Buddhism just fine and we have Historic evidence for that, FYI. None of them involve work with human spirits. That said, I come from a background which vastly differs (cited above), and I intend to honour this background too, personal grievances with my caregivers aside. On top of that, I married into an Irish family, which brings its own background into it, spirits included. I’m citing this random trivia about myself so that you know where I’m coming from. In case you disagree with my points, let me know about your own tradition.
This 101 guide does not include initiatic knowledge or anything else “exclusive”. In fact, you might find it unoriginal. I’m not here to sell stuff. I’m simply bringing together the main themes of interest when you begin working with human spirits… And perhaps I’ll debunk a myth or two as well.
First of all: forget choosing who to approach.
The spirits choose you. It’s not the other way around.
If you’re used to deities, or fae, or demons [or insert non-human spirit here] the opposite applies: often you have the option (if not the straight-up duty) to decide what individual specifically to approach, study their preferences, make the correct offerings, and whatnot. I know it because I do that too, I already mentioned above, I’m an oracle.
Well… When you’re dealing with spirits of dead humans, you can throw all of that out the window. You don’t get to choose. Your role is to do the work, and wait to see who specifically replies. I’ve already explained why in a different post and you can click here to check it out.
“But Lucy, I always choose my human spirits and always get an answer” — bullshit. I can say this confidently, regardless of tradition. Big ol’ BULLSHIT. Perhaps you’re delusional, and have amassed an army of tricksters pretending to be the people you so desperately wish were interested in you. Sorry, not sorry. I don’t care how many hearts I break here, my priority is people’s safety. Gods can prevent tricksters from impersonating them intentionally, but human spirits cannot, they don’t have that kind of power. In fact, not even with all the precautions imaginable can you ever be 100% sure that the human spirit you’re contacting is who they claim to be. This is not childplay.
So, let me repeat: you don’t get to choose. All you get to do is wait and see who approaches you.
Before I even get into the “how”, let me preface the whole manual with this: I wouldn’t recommend an Ouija approach. No hate to those who like it, but I’d rather keep my precautions in place. Ouija is too chaotic for me, and tends to attract far too many tricksters. Also, Ouija-like tools (that is, something which promises to BE a portal in and of itself) are notoriously rare in traditional spirit work, as far as I’m aware. Let me know in case any tradition differs, but I am yet to hear of it. Usually, when you’re learning spirit work from a traditional source, you end up leaning more towards a multi-step process aimed at nurturing not “just any” connection, but the most appropriate one between you and the spirits you aim to contact. This is because it isn’t just the tricksters you should watch out for; it’s also some legit spirits’ immaturity. Remember: they’re people. People have flaws. It doesn’t matter how much you idealised some people. They. 👏 Have. 👏 Flaws. Yes, even the Popes. Yes, even the Dalai Lamas. Yes, even all the saints you can think of, and even [insert celebrity or family member here who died]. They’re not gods, not angels, they’re all human, and they all have flaws. We can worship them in an “ancestor worship” sort of way, but we should be mindful of their place in the hierarchy of spirits. Repeat this truth like a mantra until you remember it.
In order to achieve a good balance between safety and discovery, it’s important to first of all decide what kind of person you’re looking for, and most importantly, why.
I’ll go further and say: be very clear about your “why” every single time you contact a spirit. Even if it’s the same old buddy you’ve known for a decade. This leads us to the next important point:
It isn’t a piece of cake to communicate with the living.
We can’t know for sure what happens after death, but this much is clear to me: spirits of the deceased can’t constantly communicate with us without a hassle just like we do with our living peers. I’d take an educated guess and say there are several hoops they need to jump through in order to achieve that. If there weren’t, we wouldn’t have peace. Imagine hearing and seeing the dead 24/7. No, thank you! The world of the living is already annoying enough.
(Allow me to debunk another myth which might ruffle some people’s feathers: anything you do 24/7 which isn’t your vital functions — such as breathing, having a heartbeat, etc — usually is a sign that something is wrong. In the case of constantly having visions or hearing voices, well… Ya know, talk to a psychiatrist. Just saying. “Oh but I’m a medium” — yes, so am I… And I look after my mental health. You should too).
Back on topic.
I’m mentioning the fact spirits (real spirits; not medical conditions) find it inconvenient to talk to us, and this is why I said that: if talking to you isn’t easy, why would a spirit do that? You see, it isn’t just you who have an agenda. Let’s not be naïve. Some spirits have their own idea of a reward to gain from the communication — and sometimes, this reward is something you wouldn’t be too happy with. (Again, let me reiterate: people can be immature. Even after death).
For example: let’s suppose you’ve been talking to this great-aunt who died a long time ago and is always super wise and gives you priceless life lessons. You’ve been making the offerings and praying as usual. You think your friendship with her couldn’t possibly go South… until you start feeling drained and getting a gut feeling that she is the cause of that. What do you do?
A lot of people in that situation (or similar) go into denial, which is a slippery slope towards spiritual psychosis (because once you start ignoring your intuition, it won’t keep nagging you. It will stop. It will “leave you alone”, and your ego might take the steering wheel of your moral compass instead, which is NEVER a good sign).
Other people in this situation actually listen to the intuition, but instead of seeing the situation with clarity, go on and generalise, and start believing that every human spirit ever is a drain and it’s evil to contact them, etc. This is the pipeline that leads to cults and evangelical churches.
Why do the two scenarios above happen? The answer is surprisingly simple: it’s because people aren’t usually prepared for the realisation that there is duality to human beings. Even the most wholesome person has a shadow. We find it very difficult to acknowledge that, don’t we? We’d rather run away from this truth. We’d rather pretend we’re not seeing it, and disguise it as all sorts of things — “oh, no, it cannot be, the wholesome person I know doesn’t have a dark side. No, no, no. Instead, every human being has. Phew! That feels better!” or… “oh, no, it cannot be, the wholesome person I know doesn’t have a dark side. No, no, no. Instead, I’m imagining things, my intuition is silly, I won’t listen to it”.
Both (or more, insert here) options above are desperate attempts to leave the “no, no, no, it cannot be, this person doesn’t have a dark side” part intact.
See where I’m going?
Difficult truths must be faced if you want to do spirit work. There’s no running away from them. They MUST be faced.
There’s no shame in not wanting to face them. But in that case, please, stay away from spirit work. Sorry, not sorry. Safety first. You can’t eat the cake and have it too, this is an either-or situation.
Hence, I’ll repeat, “just hanging out” isn’t a good why. Even if you try that and have success, guess what, the spirit is probably draining your energy (sometimes without realising). There has to be a reason — a good reason at that, a compelling one — for every communication, because it for sure isn’t going to be easy, comfortable, or something to take for granted.
If your main goal with spirit work is to stop feeling lonely, I regret to say, that’s not a good goal. I mean, it is valid in itself, but it won’t make your situation any better. Go to therapy instead.
But are human spirits bad for you? Why bother with spirit work then?
This is one of the frequently asked questions. I tend to answer it with another question: have you ever heard of moderation?
I think of spirits kind of like alcohol. Actually, the two words have a common etymology (fun fact). Is it “entirely evil, omg, I’m outraged, let’s ban it forever”? Well, no, generally speaking, we understand that alcohol is ok. It simply has a dark side, and if you take all precautions, you won’t need to deal with this dark side. It takes maturity to understand that, which is why alcohol isn’t sold to minors. Well… spirit work is similar.
Well… Having read all that, maybe you’re still interested. How do we go about it?
Again, I’ll repeat just in case: my guide won’t get you going. You need a tradition. Go seek initiation, go study, etc. The “instructions” here are only universal because they’re barely scratching the surface — and we need to have that here in this public place, because people are inconsequential and irresponsible. I intend to open these people’s eyes and help them see that what the newage movement has sold them isn’t safe or ethical.
Step 1
Before you even think of joining a tradition: decide why you’d like to contact the dead. This is, of course, knowing that you can’t get into it with an entitled attitude — as we already saw, you don’t get to choose the specific people to talk to. Similarly, you also don’t get to choose which specific lessons or results to achieve with your spirit work.
You can, however, (and should!) get clear on all of those things without too much specificity.
Examples can help, so here is one example: say you’re reaching out to “your ancestors in the family tree” (so you’re not saying who, or how closely related, but you’re specifying that you’ll only respond to a spirit from your family tree) with the expectation of “learning any healing techniques that got lost when they died” (so you’re not saying “this” or “that” remedy for this or that thing, you’re simply saying you’re interested in this broad topic of healing and you’re willing to preserve family wisdom).
Another example: you’re reaching out to “your ancestors of place” (so, again, not a specific person or ranking in society, but simply this wider group of people who previously lived where you are now, and you’ll only respond to this group, not visitors from the outside), with the expectation of “connecting better with the land / respecting the land”.
Variations are many, insert your example here, but you get where I’m going — always specify a group and don’t respond to anyone outside it (this isn’t to be rude, just to ward off “noise”).
Step 2
This can either be before or during the period when you’re dedicating to a tradition in spirit work.
Regardless of what belief system you’re working with, this tends to be consistent: make offerings (even if just verbal offerings, like prayers) on a regular or semi-regular basis. I won’t get into specifics here, because those depend on your tradition. That said, there won’t be personalised offerings like we see with deities (or not initially, anyway). It will mostly be a matter of waiting and seeing which spirits from this group you specified are happy with your chosen tradition, happy with your energy as a person, and available to contact you.
During this step (or, better yet, forever; But especially during this step), it’s also important to remain respectful to the group of spirits you’re trying to contact. Sometimes we’re blatantly disrespectful because of ignorance (such as calling the inuit “eskimos”, etc), other times we end up being disrespectful by accident because we happen to lead a kind of life our spirits wouldn’t approve of (so, say, if you’re reaching out to a convent, maybe don’t be a stripper. If you’re reaching out to an indigenous tribe, maybe don’t work for oil companies. Etc). Please note that I’m not speaking in absolutes, or saying that you have a choice, or any of that. I’m not saying it’s “objectively good in all cases” to be this or be that, or to do this or do that. All I’m saying is that if you are a certain kind of person, there are groups who will reject you. You’re dealing with human beings. It’s just like dealing with the living. Do you approve of everyone? I bet you don’t. I don’t either. I don’t approve of nazis and zionists for example. And just like me and you, every person (dead included) has their own standards.
On the availability note, this is important to keep in mind: not every spirit is available. I don’t know why, and I won’t get into the metaphysic speculations that can lead us to “why”. All I’ll say here is, matter-of-factly, not everyone who dies remains on Earth. Secondary to that (but just as important), recently deceased people tend not to be available, and this is because of a technicality: for heaven’s sake, the person has just passed! Give them a break. They’re getting used to the afterlife. Try not to entertain the possibility that anyone who died less than a decade ago is responding to you. “What about psychopomps”, maybe you’re wondering… And so am I. If anyone has a spirit work guide for psychopomps, feel free to link to it in the comments. I don’t do that job, so I can’t speak for that. I’m strictly talking about ancestor worship.
Step 3
Plain and simple: believe and thank the spirits for the communication. Don’t go desperately looking for connections where there are none just because you’re not receiving communication; but if you do receive it — and you’ll feel a certainty intuitively that this dream or this sign or this combination of cards or whatever WAS an answer. It won’t be deliberate logic in your head, just a spontaneous nudge when you’re not expecting — believe it.
You believe it before you discern it. I cannot stress that enough.
Take note, leave it alone for a while before you discern, but believe it and express your gratitude. If it turns out to be from the wrong person or a trickster, now you know the trick, so it IS something to be grateful for after all. So, don’t worry yet about what it means or how to use it. Just acknowledge with grace.
You could be instructed differently (and if so, listen to the masters in your tradition before listening to me) but I’d recommend repeating these first steps several times before you “advance” to 4. The reason for that is steps 1–3 build initial rapport.
Step 4
The last step is: discern.
Was the message received helpful? truthful? interesting? You see, there are many ways to classify spirit messages. Their usefulness will depend on what you decided on step 1, namely, why you’re talking to spirits in the first place. Maybe you intend on collecting information that sounds interesting — and that’s just as valid, but astronomically different from, collecting messages fit-for-purpose. So, if you’re the former (you want interesting stuff), you probably don’t need to care whether or not the message received was truthful. If you’re the latter, you definitely do. These parameters matter, and that’s why discernment is step 4, not 1.
Also worth mentioning: discernment doesn’t equal prejudice. Just because you have a fixed idea in your mind about what something should mean or say or do for you, it doesn’t mean you’re right. Discernment is merely the act of sorting messages into categories — this one is useless and probably I won’t ever get confirmation for, but interesting; This other one is kind of boring but has a potential use; This third one is interesting AND probably useful; and on and on it goes. All is valid! Discernment cannot signal validity. It’s only there to allow for efficiency.
This step 4 can also help those who are constantly wondering “was this a sign”, “was that a message”, “were those the answers I might need in the future”, etc. Usually, people who get caught-up in this kind of neurosis over spirit communication are simply in need of a more focused approach. So, if you decide from the start that you’re ignoring everything you didn’t ask and every group you didn’t reach out to, that’s already helpful, isn’t it? You’ll end up with more peace of mind and less noise. There’s no need to be a tyrant about any of your parameters — say, if a spirit from a totally different group comes into contact with you bringing something verifiably friendly and important, maybe open an exception; But the “rule” needs to be there nonetheless, because otherwise you’ll go dizzy. The spirit world is crowded. There’s no way to navigate it without deciding where you want to go at all times.
How to discern? Traditions will have more specific guidelines, but the rule of thumb is “research and test”. Never take information for granted.
Important “don’ts” of spirit work
I’ll just list them. If you have questions, let’s discuss these items in the comments.
- Don’t become attached to any spirit. Detachment is your friend. Life is the period when emotional attachment has a use; death is not.
- Avoid replacing mundane work with spirit work. Can you learn from spirit? Yes. But don’t ask the basics — enrol in a course. I’m just saying.
- Don’t expect “your” spirits to be “loyal” to you. Even if you’re related. They have free will.
- Don’t believe everything spirits say, but especially don’t when it sounds suspiciously too similar to what your biases already “knew”.
- Live your life. Don’t waste it contacting spirits all the time. Remember the alcohol metaphor.
Good luck on your path.
